Living in the Deep

I was doing some cleaning out yesterday and came across a stash of CDs that I don't think I've imported into my iTunes yet. So I've been doing that today. As they are being imported, I've been synch'ing my iPod with the latest one and found myself reliving memories. You see, the CDs are quite old. Most I acquired while on staff at Two Rivers so we're talking 5-12 years old. Some great stuff. Kirk Franklin's Rebirth. MWSmith Worship and Worship Again. Avalon's A Maze of Grace. Oldie Brooklyn Tab stuff. Things that I had completely forgotten about but love love love this stuff!!

One CD that I didn't even remembering having until the one song played. Travis Cottrell's Deep. i don't remember any of the songs on this CD except for one... One Storm. I remember now that it was the reason I bought the CD. As I sat at my desk today listening to the words, I was suddenly transported back to a time that seems so long ago. And let me tell you I was in a storm. Intentions misunderstood. Accusations flying. Gossip running crazy. It about did me in. I specifically remember thinking, that's it. I'll never open myself up again. Way too vulnerable. I'll not expose my underbelly like that ever again. I'm shutting down. Walls up. I'll never venture there again. Never. again.

A short time after all this situation happened, God ordained me to be with some sweet friends at a Beth Moore conference. It may have actually been the first time I went to one of her conferences. And Travis was leading worship. And he did this song. (As you read it below, you'll understand why I so related to every word... water, sailing, lots of visual references I could completely relate to.) I sat inbetween my two friends (who knew what was going on) and just cried, completely broken and resounding with every word except the last verse. I wasn't there yet. I didn't know it at the time, but God was so breaking down the walls and restoring me. It took a long time. I don't know that I've ever been that wounded. Which makes this moment so sweet. I sit here with tears streaming down my face so thankful that Jehovah did not give up on me even when I did.

Thank you Jehovah. You are so amazing. There have been so many times... so many memorial stones that You have given me. Thank You for the sweet reminder of this one that I had forgotten even existed. Thank You for being my Protector and my Warrior. Thank You for wooing me back to the deep and showing me how to trust You with that.

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One Storm (written by Travis Cottrell and Michael Mellett)

Set out to sea, strong and sure
Compass set for the horizon
Ocean breeze carried me into the great and vast unknown
Unexpectedly the winds began to blow and the rain clouds formed and the sail was torn
and the course I'd set, I traded for the safety of the shore
And that one storm it almost dragged me under
beneath the waves into the murky sea
and that one thought has kept me in the harbor
in the calm of safer waters
but longing for the deep

mended sails, winds prevailed
yet I feel this hesitation
sinking fear holds me here though I know I cannot stay
I feel the call to venture far beyond the shore
but the memory's still haunting me
and I'm caught in the extremes of what was then and what could be
‘Cause that one storm it almost dragged me under
beneath the waves into the murky sea
and that one thought has kept me in the harbor
in the calm of safer waters
but longing for the deep

Oh Maker of the sea, I only want to do Your will
but You alone can speak to the wind and waves
be still

Only time will show the lesson I have learned
Where Your peace abides, every storm subsides
I can weather anything as long as You're here by my side
And that one storm, it only made me stronger
For it was there Your mercy carried me
and though I know the storms of life may shake me
They will never overtake me
You're with me in the deep