Um, Did You Mean to Leave THAT There?

So I had my first post-op appointment with my doctor today. Wasn't sure what to expect since this was my first one. I anticipated getting some saline injected and had read about it, but was still a little anxious about it. If I haven't said this before, I love Dr. Morton. He's so kind and thorough. Makes me feel so at ease. He had some questions about how I did following the surgery, how the eating has been, did I have any questions, etc. After about 5 mins of going over my answers and a couple questions I had concerning not getting my protein requirement in, he had me sit on the table and said he was going to give me a fill. So I laid down. Now I'm not one to freak out about needles. But if I don't have to watch, I prefer not. So I turn to look at the wall while he does his thing with my tummy. He gave me a numbing shot then said he was going for the port. It was a weird sensation. The saline was cool so I could feel it going through the tube. The he said that he wanted me to drink 2 big gulps of water to see if the water would pass through or not. So he goes to help me sit up so I can drink and as I'm coming up, I look down at my tummy. "Um, did you mean to leave that there?" He just snickered at me and said yes. So here I am with this 6 inch needle sticking out of my stomach. THAT was just weird. And apparently Dr. Morton thought that was funny. He laughs like my brother. One sided grin and just kinda snickers. He did that a lot during our visit today!

I also found out that I have friends who made quite the impression on him. One of the questions he asked was if I had a support system in place with family and friends. Told him "of course". Especially my blog readers :~) He then said that he could tell I did have some good friends. I looked at him and asked what prompted that statement. Sweet moment in that he told me he walked in on us praying before I was taken back for surgery. Told him "that's how my friends roll. They walked with me through thick and thin." He just started to snicker again as I realized what I said. Ha! Get it? thick or thin? HA! Then I started to laugh as I told him, "no pun intended!"

Hit Me with Some Saline, Please.

Well, the past week has been pretty uneventful on this journey of being in the "band". Haven't had any issues that I've read can accompany this process. But at the same time, I'm finding that after waiting an hour or so, I could eat a regular helping of pretty much whatever I am craving which is not a good thing. I'm assuming that the swelling from the surgery has gone down and I'm not feeling much restriction. Still have some just not a lot.

Tomorrow is my first post-op follow-up appointment with Dr. Morton. I'm curious how this will go. I'm pretty confident I want him to load me up with some saline in this thing because I've noticed I do slow down in eating but not necessarily changing what types of foods I can eat with the exception of fast food. I have tried to be mindful while eating . . . taking small bites, chewing 28 times, eating proteins first. But my issue now is that the hunger signals that I had pre-surgery are not the same. So, I'm not getting hungry unless I go all day without eating and then by the time I get home in the evening, I want to eat everything in sight but I physically can't do that. Then I just get frustrated. This is obviously a problem. So I have an appointment with the nutritionist tomorrow as well to see if I can get some insight on how to handle this. My biggest concern is that I'm not getting all the protein I need, so I need some suggestions on that as well.

So, tomorrow will be an interesting day. I'm curious what the day holds. I'm feeling pretty good. The incisions are healing nicely. I sang in two services plus 2 rehearsals this past Sunday and only noticed minor discomfort just below my rib cage so I think that probably means the hernia is healing nicely as well. A week ago, I sang through a service and it was all I could do to get home and rest for the rest of the day.

The first person to notice a difference was my my knee orthopedic dr today. After having seen him early February 3 different times for knee injections to help with the cartilage issues (which in my opinion is a miracle drug!), he asked me if I had lost some weight because he could tell. I just started to cry. I had not told him about having the surgery. Its not a lot in the big picture of what I want to lose as a total, but he still noticed. So that just thrilled me.

God, thank You for spoiling me with gifts of encouragement.

A Night of Hallelujahs

As a member of Clearview's worship ministry now, I had my first opportunity to participate in a worship experience last night that was amazing. A Night of Hallelujahs is a service that the Worship Ministry has 3-4 times a year. This particular service was based around the Lord's Supper and I can't recall being a part of a more moving Lord's Supper experience (except maybe when I was in Israel).

Integrating responsive readings, worship, and reading of the Word, I'm so thankful I was a part of it. The service began, after opening with the sweet hymn of At the Cross, Pastor Mark asked those that wanted to come forward and dedicate the evening to God. Such a great way to start the service. Very moving to watch the Body come to the altar and ask God to be present in the upcoming minutes as we worshiped.

I think my favorite song of the evening was a song that I had not heard before our rehearsal last week. As I was learning Immortal Invisible God, I began digesting the words in way that, to be honest, caught me a little off-guard. This song was written by Laura Story who wrote Mighty to Save and Indescribable. Here's a link to Laura's video of the song: http://www.laurastorymusic.com/index.html

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the words of this song.

IMMORTAL INVISIBLE GOD
Written by Laura Story and Ed Cash
© 2007 Brentwood-Benson Music

Immortal, You are not like a man
That You change your mind
Or change Your plan.
Invisible, our human eyes can't see
The depths of Your majesty.

You're the God of forever and ever amen.
The Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End.
We sing Hallelujah, we worship in awe.
Immortal, Invisible God

Immortal, You are not bound by death.
You're the living God, my very breath.
Invisible, You are not bound by space.
But Your glory is filling this place.
Your glory is filling this place.

Immortal, yet You once died for me.
To pay my debt, to set me free
Invisible, You will not always be
Cause You're coming to reign as our King.
And the saints will fall down at Your feet.

You're the God of forever and ever amen.
The Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End.
We sing Hallelujah, we worship in awe.
Immortal, Invisible God

Gooooooooaaaaaallllllll!!!

If you've ever watch or listened to a World Cup Soccer Match, you will get the title. And, no, I haven’t started playing soccer. Well, not yet :~)

I’m down another 3 lbs so that’s a total of 30!!! First goal met. Wooohooooo!! I am so stoked. It's been two weeks since my band was put in place. I feel great! I still have a little soreness when I sing. And the incisions itch like crazy. But otherwise, all is going well. So Mom, Dad and I will weigh on Wednesdays. Oh yeah, Mom and Dad are riding this wave with me. Watching what they eat, exercising, and motivating/challenging each other to be healthier. So all three of us are on a road to change.

I read that once I go on solid food again, your body goes into a survival mode of hording the calories so the loss would slow down considerably. But I go for my first fill next week and was told it will start to go down again. But I’m still down another 3 lbs this week. That totally stokes me! I know it’s not much in the big picture of what I want to lose. But I do feel better. And I’m getting motivated. I’m taking the stairs more at work. Looking for parking spaces further away.

My next goal is 50 down. Here we go!

The Cat's Out of the Bag

So. All this time, my Mom hasn’t had a clue that this was going on. It became a game really. How long could we hold out without telling her? And I knew she would be excited and want to tell people. And I wasn’t ready for the world to know yet. My dad did spill the beans to my soon-to-be sister-in-law and I realized him not being able to tell anybody had to be hard on him when I know he was so proud of this step I was taking. I talked with Kim earlier in the week and she was so encouraging. I love her and am so glad God brought her into our family. And she told me about how Bud was so proud of me as well. So I decided it was time to tell Mom. I wanted us to be able to as a family rejoice in the victories that were occurring through this.

My mom and Grandmardi had a tradition for many years where they passed this little 3x5 box back and forth with gifts at different occasions. Now Mom and I do the same thing with the same box. So I thought I would use the box to “share the news”. I had someone take this picture of me and put it in the box with my hospital wristband. Then sent it to Dad.

He got the package today, so then he called a family meeting and then got me on speaker phone. Meeting is officially called to order. Then Dad asked what he should do with the bag he had (which had the box in it). Told him to hand it off to Mom. Come to find out, she thought that Bud and Kim had decided on a wedding date and were about to tell all of us. So she was completely confused when she saw the picture of me. Then she started putting it all together. We all were laughing so hard. She finally figured it out. And then she realized we were all laughing at her and she realized she was the only one who was out of the loop. It was a priceless moment. You just don’t pull those kind of surprises on my Mom. She’s always “in the know”.

I gave her permission to tell people. So I’m sure several family members will be getting phone calls tomorrow.

I LOVE that we surprised her. Such a memory!

Um . . . Wow!

I have promised that I would not weigh myself everyday because then it becomes about a number and I want it to be about what God wants to do in me through this. But obviously that’s an important aspect. So , up until today, I haven’t weighed since I started the pre-op diet which was 3 weeks ago. Wait for it. Wait for it. 27 lbs!!! Thank you Jehovah! You ordered my steps and what I’m doing while on those steps.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Its Off to Work I Go!

I went to work today. I so overdid it. Working was fine but should have left earlier than I did. Got caught in a meeting and couldn’t leave when I wanted to. I hit a wall and still had the drive home. Told the bosses that I needed to work part time for a few days until I felt like I was back in the swing of it. Thankfully they are understanding and flexible.

Things I'm Thankful For Today

• Going home – I’m going home today. I feel really good. Still sore and need to take it slow. But I really want to sleep in my own bed. And I feel like I’m strong enough to be able to get in and out of my bed on my own.
• Something other than a clear liquid – I started mushy foods on Friday. Had mac-n-cheese. Went fine. Ate slow. Chewed every bite at least 28 times. Then had mashed potatoes (real potato) later in the day. I’m so into textures. Those two foods tasted so good!
• Cbell’s parents - While Cbell went to work Thursday and Friday, they were so helpful. Didn’t hover over or smother me. But checked on me every now and then. I like that kind of care. Thanks Ma Bell and Mr. Jack. I’m indebted.
• My friend Cathy Bell, for loving me enough to take a day off from work to be with me . . . for putting up with me through this . . . for making sure I took my meds . . . for the sugar free Popsicles. You were a good nurse nazi. But mostly, I'm glad we stopped hating each other and became friends.

Ode to the Heating Pad

Oh little heating pad. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Well, to be honest. There’s really just one way. Setting on high while laying on my shoulder. Do your magic! Read online that the gas pressure in the shoulder following this surgery can be helped by a heating pad. So I tried it because the pain had been building all day and I wasn’t going to be able to tolerate it much longer. Ahhhh, sweet relief. THAT should be the first thing they tell you in all the handouts the dr’s office gives out regarding recovery. How or why it works, I know not. I just know it hurt like a heart attack earlier . . . and now it doesn’t. Praise Jehovah for the invention of this lovely thing called a heating pad.

Side note: I haven’t had any pain meds since yesterday at noon. They didn’t help with the pain in my shoulder and nothing else hurts bad enough to warrant the effects that med has on me. So, done with that. Glad I only paid $10 for that bottle.

Houston, We Are a’Go

Its done. I’m officially part of the band. HA. Today has been rough so far. Lots of pain in different areas.

I woke up early thinking I needed all this time to get ready and forgot, no make-up, no lotion, no breakfast. Just shower, dry my hair and pull it back, take out the contacts . . . and done. I was rady in about 30 mins. I had to laugh at myself. So then we headed out to the car. We decided to take mine because I thought it would be easier to just slide in rather than trying to get into Cbell’s SUV that sat higher off the ground than mine. So without even thinking, I grab the keys and head to the driver’s side. Cbell just stood there snickering. Sheesh. I hadn’t had the surgery yet, can I drive my own car? She kept snickering and got in on the passenger’s side. So off we go. Arrived at 630am for admitting. Suz arrived 7ish after I had been taken back to be prepped. Why is it those ever-so-stylish gowns they have you in are so ugly. I mean really. I’m about to lose all dignity and on top of it, you want me to wear this? Maybe I’ll go into designing fashionable surgical attire.

I don’t remember much more of the day from here. Its all a blur. Here are the things I remember. Not sure if this is the order they happened, but this is how I remember them:

• The anesthesiologist coming in and couldn’t find a vein. Told her I have really deep veins (the nurses at the Red Cross have a love-hate relationship with me and my deep veins). She stuck me 3 times and dug around before I finally told her “Enough. Go find someone who can find a vein, please. You’re done.” (Yes, I used those words exactly. I did apologize later for copping an attitude. She was sympathetic.
• Laughing with Suz and Cbell at the leg braces (that help prevent blod clots by keeping the circulation going) that kept falling down my legs and almost tripping me as I had to get up for a restroom break . . . twice! The IV was already in so I had to figure out how to hold that and proceed with the task at hand. Someone should invent some portable IV holder thingy for that kind of thing.
• My sweet friends praying over me. I really don’t know what I would without you two.
• Crying as I was wheeled from the prep area to the OR. Up until now, I hadn’t been too nervous really. But now. My nerves went into overdrive. Not knowing what was going to happen and the huge-ness of all of this and leaving Cbell and Suz behind . . . really all of it. I just needed to cry. Thankfully it was just tears, no sobbing or anything. The OR nurse might have called that psychologist in, so I couldn’t let that happen.
• Once I got in the OR, they wanted me to “scooch” over onto this table that didn’t look like it was more than 12 inches wide. Really? There? Are you sure? I don’t remember the scooching or anything less until later. But I’m assuming I must have done it since, well, the surgery took place.
• I woke up in some room. Then went back to sleep.
• I woke up in x-rays and had to drink some watered down barium. Yuck. Heard someone say “she’s clear” and then went back to sleep.
• Mike Mann was there at some point. He said they had a good laugh at my hospital wristband. But I recall nothing. Just that I saw his face.
• I dressed myself but don’t remember putting on my socks and shoes.
• I got in my car (the passenger side this time!) But I don’t recall telling anybody goodbye or thanks for coming and loving me through this ordeal. I hope you know I am thankful.
• Sitting in the recliner. How did I get here?

I’ve had a lot of pain today. Not so much the incisions. Which by the way, I have 6. I thought it was supposed to be 3 or 4. Need to remember to ask him why 6. They pumped my abdomen full of gas in order to be able to move the instruments around and there’s no way to remove it. I was told the body absorbs a good deal of it. But sometime it will settle in the body and cause pain. That’s been today. Its in my left shoulder and I feel like I’m having a heart attack. I’m glad they warned about this. It really would have concerned me. They also discovered that I had a hiatal hernia when the surgeon opened me up yesterday. I’m having a hard time taking a deep breath because of that. I’m on clear liquids until tomorrow. Very swollen. But for the most part, I’m feeling okay. Ready for this part of it to be over.

Order My Steps

Today. Its here. Can’t believe we’re here. A beginning. An end. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And I can’t wait to see what You have in store for me. Thank you for bring me here. Thank you for being provision. Thank you . . . well, for being everything you promised you would be. I’m pretty freaked out. Not sure about what. I think the unknown. I’m so thankful for Cbell and Suz being here. It helps to assure me its all going to be ok. Father, would you bless the people who will have care over me today. Even as Dr Morton is probably at the hospital even now. Guide his hands and eyes. Overwhelm him to the point that he can only acknowledge you. Here we go Lord. Go before me. Actually, You’re already there . . . so please order my steps.

Countdown: One More Day to Lift-off

Today has been a good day. Tried not to dwell on the fact that tomorrow my life changes. I find myself getting so overwhelmed. Not with the details but with emotions. Gonna be really transparent here. There’s this little voice in the back of my head (no, you don’t need to call the psychiatrist) that keeps asking why I’m doing this. Its just another attempt at doing this that’s going to fail. How in the world can I justify spending this much $$ on something that I’m just going to fail at. What if it doesn’t work? What if something goes wrong? What if I regret the decision to proceed? I kept coming back to these two words . . . BUT GOD. I’m so glad He’s sovereign and I can release these questions to Him.

Suz arrived in town today. I’m so glad that it worked out for her to be here. Josiah got sick on Sunday and I wondered if she would be able to come. I’ve only had one other surgery before and it was Suz and Cbell with me. So it seems right that they be the ones with me this time too.

Suz, Cheryl and I went to dinner . . . well we went to Panera and they had dinner. I drank my water since yesterday and today are clear-liquid only days. I’m learning to appreciate the smell of food.

I texted my Dad with the location of my Living Will and Power-of Attorney info just in case . . . and included the # of the kennel where Derby is. Had to laugh that I thought to send him info on Derby should I die or something. Gotta make sure my boy is taken care of!

Now I’m sitting at Casa de Bell. Got settled in and then in a sweet attempt to divert my increasing nervousness, Cbell suggested a movie. Got about halfway through and just gave up. I was really tired and couldn’t focus at all. It was a valiant attempt though, friend, and I do appreciate it. Have to be at the hospital at 630am for surgery at 830am. So I need to wake up at 400am.