It Started as One...of...Those...Days...

I was pretty excited about today. I've been attending ClearView for a few months now. And so thankful that God led me here. I think one of the biggest adjustments I had as I visited so many churches was that I so missed being plugged into a Worship Ministry where I was connected with people who had the same passion I did in worship and leading others to the Throne. Also, I've been traveling the past couple weeks, so i was looking forward to being back with these peeps.

Woke up this morning. Noticed the sun just starting to come through the window. Alarm hasn't gone off yet but the sun is hinting that the alarm will be going off soon. Glance at the clock. What?!?! 20 mins past the time I was supposed to get up. Argh. Need to make up some time. Curly hair and pulled up it is.

Outfit chosen and ironed the night before. Made up about 12-15 mins of the 20 mins that I overslept. Shouldn't be too late for praise team sound check. Walking out the door with protein shake in hand when a thought passes through my mind. Wait. Didn't someone say something at praise team rehearsal about coordinating outfits so we didn't clash. Oh crud. Black bottom/solid color top. I glance down and roll my eyes as I of course have the busiest, most colorful shirt I own on. Really, Requelle? Back in the house. There goes some of the time I made up. Argh. Lord, please let me have something that is ironed that is solid. I did, thank the Lord.

Headed out the door. In the car - check. Seatbelt - check. Worship music for the 35 min drive - check. Car on - check. Back the car up - check. What's that weird noise? Something caught under my car? It'll work itself out. Got.to.go. Out of the driveway - check. Shimmying steering wheel - check. Argh. Open door and look back as my brain remembers that I had to stop and put air in the back driver's side tire on Friday on my way home from work. And didn't go anywhere on Saturday, so no idea. Flat rear tire - check. I had gone all of 15 feet at this point. So I back up and pull back into the driveway. Starting to panic a little as I have no idea how to contact anybody to tell them I have a flat and I have no idea what time I'll be getting there as I'll need to call Kia's 24-hr Roadside service and who knows how long THAT might take.

Then God shows out. Just as I'm getting out of the car, my neighbor who already deserves the "Best Neighbor Ever" award for being, well, the best neighbor ever, walks out of his house to walk his dog. He normally doesn't walk her until after 9am. But come to find out, she woke up early and was antsy to walk early this morning. Lord, thank You for using that dog. The Best Neighbor Ever changed the tire in 10 mins. Seriously, 10 mins. It would have taken me 10 mins just to figure out where to begin.

Had a chance to explain to him that he was an answer to a prayer my heart prayed before my mind had even begun to think about what I needed to do. As I told him that just as he was walking out of his house, I had literally just thought, forget it, I'm going back to bed. So him being willing to change the flat was God providing exactly what I needed when it was needed. Thank You Lord for giving me an opportunity to witness of Your glory. May Your seed take root in this man's life.

And for those inquiring minds who are wanting to know . . . yes, I did make it in time to be able to worship with my new worship peeps.

6 Weeks Post-op

Sorry, it has been so long. I didn't mean to be gone this long. Life has just been busy. But I like it that way. Been awhile since life has felt busy and full. I've missed it, to be honest. But it's not so much that life is busy and full. It's me. A sweet friend mentioned it to me just yesterday . . . that it was good "to see me so content." I haven't been that in a while. Really have let life get in the way. But as I've been focusing on getting healthy, it has caused me, for the first time in my life really, to focus on me and what God is wanting to do in me. As those of you who love me know, I don't often do things for myself. I'd rather focus my energy on others. It's a sweet spot for me. I enjoy doing that. But there have been times when this has been an escape for me. If I'm focused on you, doing things for you, then I don't have to focus on me or my own stuff. That's a pretty huge realization for me. But in order to get healthy like I need to be, I have had to become comfortable in my own skin and be okay with focusing on myself without mentally going where I think I'm becoming self-absorbed or something. That for some reason has been/is a struggle for me. I'm making strides. God is breaking that stronghold. It's all in my mind. It's not that I can be the servant that God has made me to be. I just have to keep the motive in perspective. That's where the battle in my mind begins.

Well, today, marks another three weeks on this journey. I had a follow up with the dr again. Well one of his nurses. Found out that I don't necessarily meet with Dr. Morton every time unless I request him to be there. It was a good visit. She hit me with another 1.1 ccs of saline. And we talked through some questions I had. Also weighed to see how my progress was. I wasn't sure what their scale would say because the last visit wasn't as much as my home scale was saying. But this time their scale also showed I've lost more since my last visit than my home scale showed. I apparantly need to get a new one. I mean, it's only 14 years old :~) So according to the dr scale, I've officially lost . . .



I'm so stoked! In eight weeks (including pre-op diet time and post-op), I'm pretty pleased with that. There hasn't been one day when I've regretted this decision or questioned why God would choose this road. I can't even begin to express my gratitude. There's that little part in my head that is still "waiting for the shoe to drop" and something go horribly wrong. There's a line in the sand that I've never been able to get past. I'm still not there. But I keep taking that thought captive and covering it in the promise that God gave me back in February . . . that I will be like a spring of water, whose water will not fail. So I will not give in to those thoughts. He is ordering my steps and allowing freedom to reign.

Um, Did You Mean to Leave THAT There?

So I had my first post-op appointment with my doctor today. Wasn't sure what to expect since this was my first one. I anticipated getting some saline injected and had read about it, but was still a little anxious about it. If I haven't said this before, I love Dr. Morton. He's so kind and thorough. Makes me feel so at ease. He had some questions about how I did following the surgery, how the eating has been, did I have any questions, etc. After about 5 mins of going over my answers and a couple questions I had concerning not getting my protein requirement in, he had me sit on the table and said he was going to give me a fill. So I laid down. Now I'm not one to freak out about needles. But if I don't have to watch, I prefer not. So I turn to look at the wall while he does his thing with my tummy. He gave me a numbing shot then said he was going for the port. It was a weird sensation. The saline was cool so I could feel it going through the tube. The he said that he wanted me to drink 2 big gulps of water to see if the water would pass through or not. So he goes to help me sit up so I can drink and as I'm coming up, I look down at my tummy. "Um, did you mean to leave that there?" He just snickered at me and said yes. So here I am with this 6 inch needle sticking out of my stomach. THAT was just weird. And apparently Dr. Morton thought that was funny. He laughs like my brother. One sided grin and just kinda snickers. He did that a lot during our visit today!

I also found out that I have friends who made quite the impression on him. One of the questions he asked was if I had a support system in place with family and friends. Told him "of course". Especially my blog readers :~) He then said that he could tell I did have some good friends. I looked at him and asked what prompted that statement. Sweet moment in that he told me he walked in on us praying before I was taken back for surgery. Told him "that's how my friends roll. They walked with me through thick and thin." He just started to snicker again as I realized what I said. Ha! Get it? thick or thin? HA! Then I started to laugh as I told him, "no pun intended!"

Hit Me with Some Saline, Please.

Well, the past week has been pretty uneventful on this journey of being in the "band". Haven't had any issues that I've read can accompany this process. But at the same time, I'm finding that after waiting an hour or so, I could eat a regular helping of pretty much whatever I am craving which is not a good thing. I'm assuming that the swelling from the surgery has gone down and I'm not feeling much restriction. Still have some just not a lot.

Tomorrow is my first post-op follow-up appointment with Dr. Morton. I'm curious how this will go. I'm pretty confident I want him to load me up with some saline in this thing because I've noticed I do slow down in eating but not necessarily changing what types of foods I can eat with the exception of fast food. I have tried to be mindful while eating . . . taking small bites, chewing 28 times, eating proteins first. But my issue now is that the hunger signals that I had pre-surgery are not the same. So, I'm not getting hungry unless I go all day without eating and then by the time I get home in the evening, I want to eat everything in sight but I physically can't do that. Then I just get frustrated. This is obviously a problem. So I have an appointment with the nutritionist tomorrow as well to see if I can get some insight on how to handle this. My biggest concern is that I'm not getting all the protein I need, so I need some suggestions on that as well.

So, tomorrow will be an interesting day. I'm curious what the day holds. I'm feeling pretty good. The incisions are healing nicely. I sang in two services plus 2 rehearsals this past Sunday and only noticed minor discomfort just below my rib cage so I think that probably means the hernia is healing nicely as well. A week ago, I sang through a service and it was all I could do to get home and rest for the rest of the day.

The first person to notice a difference was my my knee orthopedic dr today. After having seen him early February 3 different times for knee injections to help with the cartilage issues (which in my opinion is a miracle drug!), he asked me if I had lost some weight because he could tell. I just started to cry. I had not told him about having the surgery. Its not a lot in the big picture of what I want to lose as a total, but he still noticed. So that just thrilled me.

God, thank You for spoiling me with gifts of encouragement.

A Night of Hallelujahs

As a member of Clearview's worship ministry now, I had my first opportunity to participate in a worship experience last night that was amazing. A Night of Hallelujahs is a service that the Worship Ministry has 3-4 times a year. This particular service was based around the Lord's Supper and I can't recall being a part of a more moving Lord's Supper experience (except maybe when I was in Israel).

Integrating responsive readings, worship, and reading of the Word, I'm so thankful I was a part of it. The service began, after opening with the sweet hymn of At the Cross, Pastor Mark asked those that wanted to come forward and dedicate the evening to God. Such a great way to start the service. Very moving to watch the Body come to the altar and ask God to be present in the upcoming minutes as we worshiped.

I think my favorite song of the evening was a song that I had not heard before our rehearsal last week. As I was learning Immortal Invisible God, I began digesting the words in way that, to be honest, caught me a little off-guard. This song was written by Laura Story who wrote Mighty to Save and Indescribable. Here's a link to Laura's video of the song: http://www.laurastorymusic.com/index.html

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the words of this song.

IMMORTAL INVISIBLE GOD
Written by Laura Story and Ed Cash
© 2007 Brentwood-Benson Music

Immortal, You are not like a man
That You change your mind
Or change Your plan.
Invisible, our human eyes can't see
The depths of Your majesty.

You're the God of forever and ever amen.
The Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End.
We sing Hallelujah, we worship in awe.
Immortal, Invisible God

Immortal, You are not bound by death.
You're the living God, my very breath.
Invisible, You are not bound by space.
But Your glory is filling this place.
Your glory is filling this place.

Immortal, yet You once died for me.
To pay my debt, to set me free
Invisible, You will not always be
Cause You're coming to reign as our King.
And the saints will fall down at Your feet.

You're the God of forever and ever amen.
The Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End.
We sing Hallelujah, we worship in awe.
Immortal, Invisible God

Gooooooooaaaaaallllllll!!!

If you've ever watch or listened to a World Cup Soccer Match, you will get the title. And, no, I haven’t started playing soccer. Well, not yet :~)

I’m down another 3 lbs so that’s a total of 30!!! First goal met. Wooohooooo!! I am so stoked. It's been two weeks since my band was put in place. I feel great! I still have a little soreness when I sing. And the incisions itch like crazy. But otherwise, all is going well. So Mom, Dad and I will weigh on Wednesdays. Oh yeah, Mom and Dad are riding this wave with me. Watching what they eat, exercising, and motivating/challenging each other to be healthier. So all three of us are on a road to change.

I read that once I go on solid food again, your body goes into a survival mode of hording the calories so the loss would slow down considerably. But I go for my first fill next week and was told it will start to go down again. But I’m still down another 3 lbs this week. That totally stokes me! I know it’s not much in the big picture of what I want to lose. But I do feel better. And I’m getting motivated. I’m taking the stairs more at work. Looking for parking spaces further away.

My next goal is 50 down. Here we go!

The Cat's Out of the Bag

So. All this time, my Mom hasn’t had a clue that this was going on. It became a game really. How long could we hold out without telling her? And I knew she would be excited and want to tell people. And I wasn’t ready for the world to know yet. My dad did spill the beans to my soon-to-be sister-in-law and I realized him not being able to tell anybody had to be hard on him when I know he was so proud of this step I was taking. I talked with Kim earlier in the week and she was so encouraging. I love her and am so glad God brought her into our family. And she told me about how Bud was so proud of me as well. So I decided it was time to tell Mom. I wanted us to be able to as a family rejoice in the victories that were occurring through this.

My mom and Grandmardi had a tradition for many years where they passed this little 3x5 box back and forth with gifts at different occasions. Now Mom and I do the same thing with the same box. So I thought I would use the box to “share the news”. I had someone take this picture of me and put it in the box with my hospital wristband. Then sent it to Dad.

He got the package today, so then he called a family meeting and then got me on speaker phone. Meeting is officially called to order. Then Dad asked what he should do with the bag he had (which had the box in it). Told him to hand it off to Mom. Come to find out, she thought that Bud and Kim had decided on a wedding date and were about to tell all of us. So she was completely confused when she saw the picture of me. Then she started putting it all together. We all were laughing so hard. She finally figured it out. And then she realized we were all laughing at her and she realized she was the only one who was out of the loop. It was a priceless moment. You just don’t pull those kind of surprises on my Mom. She’s always “in the know”.

I gave her permission to tell people. So I’m sure several family members will be getting phone calls tomorrow.

I LOVE that we surprised her. Such a memory!

Um . . . Wow!

I have promised that I would not weigh myself everyday because then it becomes about a number and I want it to be about what God wants to do in me through this. But obviously that’s an important aspect. So , up until today, I haven’t weighed since I started the pre-op diet which was 3 weeks ago. Wait for it. Wait for it. 27 lbs!!! Thank you Jehovah! You ordered my steps and what I’m doing while on those steps.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Its Off to Work I Go!

I went to work today. I so overdid it. Working was fine but should have left earlier than I did. Got caught in a meeting and couldn’t leave when I wanted to. I hit a wall and still had the drive home. Told the bosses that I needed to work part time for a few days until I felt like I was back in the swing of it. Thankfully they are understanding and flexible.

Things I'm Thankful For Today

• Going home – I’m going home today. I feel really good. Still sore and need to take it slow. But I really want to sleep in my own bed. And I feel like I’m strong enough to be able to get in and out of my bed on my own.
• Something other than a clear liquid – I started mushy foods on Friday. Had mac-n-cheese. Went fine. Ate slow. Chewed every bite at least 28 times. Then had mashed potatoes (real potato) later in the day. I’m so into textures. Those two foods tasted so good!
• Cbell’s parents - While Cbell went to work Thursday and Friday, they were so helpful. Didn’t hover over or smother me. But checked on me every now and then. I like that kind of care. Thanks Ma Bell and Mr. Jack. I’m indebted.
• My friend Cathy Bell, for loving me enough to take a day off from work to be with me . . . for putting up with me through this . . . for making sure I took my meds . . . for the sugar free Popsicles. You were a good nurse nazi. But mostly, I'm glad we stopped hating each other and became friends.

Ode to the Heating Pad

Oh little heating pad. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Well, to be honest. There’s really just one way. Setting on high while laying on my shoulder. Do your magic! Read online that the gas pressure in the shoulder following this surgery can be helped by a heating pad. So I tried it because the pain had been building all day and I wasn’t going to be able to tolerate it much longer. Ahhhh, sweet relief. THAT should be the first thing they tell you in all the handouts the dr’s office gives out regarding recovery. How or why it works, I know not. I just know it hurt like a heart attack earlier . . . and now it doesn’t. Praise Jehovah for the invention of this lovely thing called a heating pad.

Side note: I haven’t had any pain meds since yesterday at noon. They didn’t help with the pain in my shoulder and nothing else hurts bad enough to warrant the effects that med has on me. So, done with that. Glad I only paid $10 for that bottle.

Houston, We Are a’Go

Its done. I’m officially part of the band. HA. Today has been rough so far. Lots of pain in different areas.

I woke up early thinking I needed all this time to get ready and forgot, no make-up, no lotion, no breakfast. Just shower, dry my hair and pull it back, take out the contacts . . . and done. I was rady in about 30 mins. I had to laugh at myself. So then we headed out to the car. We decided to take mine because I thought it would be easier to just slide in rather than trying to get into Cbell’s SUV that sat higher off the ground than mine. So without even thinking, I grab the keys and head to the driver’s side. Cbell just stood there snickering. Sheesh. I hadn’t had the surgery yet, can I drive my own car? She kept snickering and got in on the passenger’s side. So off we go. Arrived at 630am for admitting. Suz arrived 7ish after I had been taken back to be prepped. Why is it those ever-so-stylish gowns they have you in are so ugly. I mean really. I’m about to lose all dignity and on top of it, you want me to wear this? Maybe I’ll go into designing fashionable surgical attire.

I don’t remember much more of the day from here. Its all a blur. Here are the things I remember. Not sure if this is the order they happened, but this is how I remember them:

• The anesthesiologist coming in and couldn’t find a vein. Told her I have really deep veins (the nurses at the Red Cross have a love-hate relationship with me and my deep veins). She stuck me 3 times and dug around before I finally told her “Enough. Go find someone who can find a vein, please. You’re done.” (Yes, I used those words exactly. I did apologize later for copping an attitude. She was sympathetic.
• Laughing with Suz and Cbell at the leg braces (that help prevent blod clots by keeping the circulation going) that kept falling down my legs and almost tripping me as I had to get up for a restroom break . . . twice! The IV was already in so I had to figure out how to hold that and proceed with the task at hand. Someone should invent some portable IV holder thingy for that kind of thing.
• My sweet friends praying over me. I really don’t know what I would without you two.
• Crying as I was wheeled from the prep area to the OR. Up until now, I hadn’t been too nervous really. But now. My nerves went into overdrive. Not knowing what was going to happen and the huge-ness of all of this and leaving Cbell and Suz behind . . . really all of it. I just needed to cry. Thankfully it was just tears, no sobbing or anything. The OR nurse might have called that psychologist in, so I couldn’t let that happen.
• Once I got in the OR, they wanted me to “scooch” over onto this table that didn’t look like it was more than 12 inches wide. Really? There? Are you sure? I don’t remember the scooching or anything less until later. But I’m assuming I must have done it since, well, the surgery took place.
• I woke up in some room. Then went back to sleep.
• I woke up in x-rays and had to drink some watered down barium. Yuck. Heard someone say “she’s clear” and then went back to sleep.
• Mike Mann was there at some point. He said they had a good laugh at my hospital wristband. But I recall nothing. Just that I saw his face.
• I dressed myself but don’t remember putting on my socks and shoes.
• I got in my car (the passenger side this time!) But I don’t recall telling anybody goodbye or thanks for coming and loving me through this ordeal. I hope you know I am thankful.
• Sitting in the recliner. How did I get here?

I’ve had a lot of pain today. Not so much the incisions. Which by the way, I have 6. I thought it was supposed to be 3 or 4. Need to remember to ask him why 6. They pumped my abdomen full of gas in order to be able to move the instruments around and there’s no way to remove it. I was told the body absorbs a good deal of it. But sometime it will settle in the body and cause pain. That’s been today. Its in my left shoulder and I feel like I’m having a heart attack. I’m glad they warned about this. It really would have concerned me. They also discovered that I had a hiatal hernia when the surgeon opened me up yesterday. I’m having a hard time taking a deep breath because of that. I’m on clear liquids until tomorrow. Very swollen. But for the most part, I’m feeling okay. Ready for this part of it to be over.

Order My Steps

Today. Its here. Can’t believe we’re here. A beginning. An end. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And I can’t wait to see what You have in store for me. Thank you for bring me here. Thank you for being provision. Thank you . . . well, for being everything you promised you would be. I’m pretty freaked out. Not sure about what. I think the unknown. I’m so thankful for Cbell and Suz being here. It helps to assure me its all going to be ok. Father, would you bless the people who will have care over me today. Even as Dr Morton is probably at the hospital even now. Guide his hands and eyes. Overwhelm him to the point that he can only acknowledge you. Here we go Lord. Go before me. Actually, You’re already there . . . so please order my steps.

Countdown: One More Day to Lift-off

Today has been a good day. Tried not to dwell on the fact that tomorrow my life changes. I find myself getting so overwhelmed. Not with the details but with emotions. Gonna be really transparent here. There’s this little voice in the back of my head (no, you don’t need to call the psychiatrist) that keeps asking why I’m doing this. Its just another attempt at doing this that’s going to fail. How in the world can I justify spending this much $$ on something that I’m just going to fail at. What if it doesn’t work? What if something goes wrong? What if I regret the decision to proceed? I kept coming back to these two words . . . BUT GOD. I’m so glad He’s sovereign and I can release these questions to Him.

Suz arrived in town today. I’m so glad that it worked out for her to be here. Josiah got sick on Sunday and I wondered if she would be able to come. I’ve only had one other surgery before and it was Suz and Cbell with me. So it seems right that they be the ones with me this time too.

Suz, Cheryl and I went to dinner . . . well we went to Panera and they had dinner. I drank my water since yesterday and today are clear-liquid only days. I’m learning to appreciate the smell of food.

I texted my Dad with the location of my Living Will and Power-of Attorney info just in case . . . and included the # of the kennel where Derby is. Had to laugh that I thought to send him info on Derby should I die or something. Gotta make sure my boy is taken care of!

Now I’m sitting at Casa de Bell. Got settled in and then in a sweet attempt to divert my increasing nervousness, Cbell suggested a movie. Got about halfway through and just gave up. I was really tired and couldn’t focus at all. It was a valiant attempt though, friend, and I do appreciate it. Have to be at the hospital at 630am for surgery at 830am. So I need to wake up at 400am.

Happy Birthday! Here, Have a Green Bean and Some Jello!

So today is my birthday. And in 4 days, my 42nd year is going to change in ways I never imagined a year ago. I’m in Mississippi with sweet friends to celebrate. For my birthday, Eli asked me to go to his scout banquet tonight. He was so proud to find out I would go. Little does he know how I so miss doing these kind of things with this sweet family. When I saw the surgeon earlier this week, I asked him if I had to abide by the liquid-only rule since its my birthday. He said yes. I could have a little leniency but don’t go overboard. So I treated myself to some green beans and a little turkey at the banquet. Then for dessert, Suz made sugar-free jello with a candle. I laughed and cried. I love these people and how they love and encourage me.

Hi. Nice to Meet You.

I met the surgeon and had an extensive appointment with him going over SO MUCH information. I really like Dr. Morton. Kind of grandfatherly-type and give lots of information. That’s the kind of doctor I want. I wish I had thought to take my camera because he had displays and models of what he will be doing to me next week. I loved it. I really should have gone into medicine. That kind of stuff so intrigues me! I wish I could watch while he does it but I’m pretty sure that would be way too weird. However, I did go on youtube and found a medical post of the surgery. It was amazing. And that’s what will be happening next week. Wow. Here’s a picture of what the band looks like.

Yesterday, I started the liquid only portion of the pre-op diet. This part is not so fun. I never realized how much I'd miss food. I don't miss eating. I miss: chewing . . . taste . . . texture. I'm such a texture eating. I'm considering going to Chick-fil-a and just chewing some chicken just for the texture. How sad is that!

But even in this, God gives mercy. I discovered that Atkins Milk Chocolate Protein Shakes, when really really cold, has the same taste as a Wendy's Frosty!

I know there's a bigger picture here. God has such a plan.

So with His help . . . I am doing this.

And with His help . . . I will keep doing this.

And I will watch for His hand in every moment.

In Seven Days

In seven days... I will begin a new journey.

In seven days... God will begin to rebuild this temple.

In seven days... I will be on the way to a healthier me.

In seven days... I will make no more excuses.

In seven days... I will be on my way to feeling better about myself.

In seven days... I will start accomplishing goals that I've had for years but haven't had the courage or will power to accomplish

In seven days... I will have the tool to help me change my body, my energy level... my life!

In seven days... my new life starts.

Shake, Shake, Shake.

Remember that song? Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake your booty. So for some very odd reason, this was one of my favorite songs as a kid. I don't know why. I just remember Bud, my cousins Tad and Tod, and I singing this song all the time. Probably because we could say the word "booty". Oh the innocence of youth.

Anyway, that's not the "shaking" I'm talking about here :~) Just alluding to what the next 2 weeks hold for me.

Day four of pre-op diet. It took me a couple days but I finally got ahead of the hunger. Its all about planning. I didn’t do that Tuesday night for some reason. Then paid for it on Wednesday. But on Thursday, I had been to the grocery store the night before and now set to go. I’ve tried several different kinds of shakes trying to find the one I like the best. Today I had the Atkins protein shake today and so far I like them the best. And . . . wooohooo . . . they are the least expensive! The Milk Chocolate shake flavor tastes like a Wendy’s Frosty. Yum!!

Details, Details, Details.

Had a meeting with the nutritionist this morning. Very informative . . . so much information to process. So I start the pre-op diet tomorrow. 2 protein shakes and 1 healthy meal for a week. Then 4 protein shakes the next week. Then 2 days before surgery I go to clear liquids only. In addition to this, I can have unlimited sugar-free jello, popsicles and soup broth. Having fasted before, thankfully I know what to expect from my body. Its sales conference prep at work this week, so this should be interesting adding to the stress-factor. But here we go.

Thank you Father that You have made the way. You moved the mountain and have been the cloud and fire as I’ve walked this. I really am excited to see what’s going to happen. Give me peace as it gets closer. I don’t want to be nervous or anxious.

I Have a Date

No, not that kind of date. Although that would be nice. HA! But the date I’m referring to is the surgery date. So here we go. March 3. I’m so excited and scared and nervous. This is it.

I’ve been contemplating what to do concerning who to call to help. Its out-patient surgery. So really I just need someone to be there in case I need something through the weekend. We’ve already scheduled the FL trip so I hate to ask Mom to take the time. And after talking with Dad, we were joking around about not telling Mom. But the more I think about, I think it would be fun. I could tell her when we get to FL. The look on her face will be priceless.

I talked with Cb and she’s (and her parents) is going to be my nurse nazi since my other nurse nazi moved out of town . . . HA! I called Amy and Suz to tell them. I was a bit nervous about how they would react. I don’t know why but I was. I mean seriously. All that we’ve been through but I was. I didn’t realize it until talking with them, but their encouraging words were so more important to hear.

I'm Not Crazy

I got a message from the surgeon’s office today. The psychologist doesn't think I'm crazy and has approved from the mental side of this. So now its time to set up the consultation date, appt with the nutritionist, and my surgery date. Good grief. This is moving so fast now. Lord, if this is not the path You want for me, I need You to start slamming doors. I’m getting nervous and anxious and excited and . . . I don’t know. So many emotions. I read one of the verses in the following passage a few days ago and read the whole chapter this morning. I can’t help but think this is yet just another way that God’s nudging me down this path.

Isaiah 58:9-12 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.' If you take way the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.

Am I Crazy?

I've asked myself this question several times over the past couple months. And I always come up with the same answer. Isaiah 58:9 Then you shall call, and the LORD will answer; you shall cry, and He will say, 'Here I am.'

But the surgeon won't take that Word. So I have an appointment with a psychologist later today.

Oh, and by the way. Had a weird rash break out around my waist on the left a week ago. Hadn’t gone away so I went to see Katherine, my friendly neighborhood dr. Shingles? Really? Sure. She said its probably stress and the meds should get rid of it before surgery but call his office to alert them just in case. Um, okay.

A New Leg of the Journey

Well, where to start. A month ago, I didn't think this was possible. But as I have posted before, the phrase "But God" was applied to my life. God made a way in only a way God could. Now I walk in it.

I'm overwhelmed on so many levels. This leg of the journey actually started in July 2009. But its been a "highly sensitive" subject in my mind that I just didn't feel comfortable sharing with the world until I was able to process a lot in my head. So much has happened in the past year that I really just couldn't handle one more "huge change" in my life being public. But I know I will be posting this to be public once God has done what He needs to do. So I'm blogging as if these will be posted on the days I'm writing them. So here goes. I'm now an open book. Ha.

For as long as I can remember, I've always struggled with my weight. In the past year, I realized that if something didn't give, I was headed down a road full of major health issues, compromised quality of life, and who knows what else. So last Summer, I began doing some research on the possibilities of what I could do to get me healthy. I talked with a cousin who is an RN, prayed, researched online for what seemed like weeks, prayed, consulted my family on their thoughts, and prayed some more. I felt fairly confident I knew what laid ahead for me.

Lapband.

And so the journey begins.

Just a Note

This post is dated 02/01/10 but I'm actually posting it on 03/16/10. The next few posts are notes that I did in real time (as the date is posted) but I didn't want to add them for the world to see until I got to a certain point on this journey I've been on.

So here goes. Thanks for walking this journey with me. Read on to see where this leg of it is taking me . . .