The Current

My soul feels very heavy today. Not sure why I feel the need to blog today. But sometimes this is therapy for me . . . so bear with me. I have worship going on in my mind via my iPod . . . I had a longer than quiet time this morning . . . and yet, my soul is weeping uncontrollably and my body is close to that point. And I'm not even sure why exactly. There's so much stuff going on all around me. I won't even get into it. I'd be posting all day to go into all the details. I think the Spirit is preparing for something and I'm not sure. My mind says I should be looking forward to this week because I have sweet friends coming to town . . . and it may not be a long visit but I'm hoping to get sugar from sweet children later this week . . . then will be loving on other sweet children while their parents are out of town. On paper, it looks like a good and busy week.

But then there's my soul who is over in the corner just weeping. Weird place to be right now. Just weird. A friend talked yesterday about how he feels how he's living life in extremes right now. I hadn't put my finger on it but my heart agrees with that statement. I go from looking at flesh all around me to seeing God move in the most amazing ways in the matter of just moments. I feel like I have a split personality or something!

But all this is not why I'm blogging. During Sunday School class yesterday, God gave me such a picture of my life in Him right now. I can't remember exactly what our teacher was talking about (because my brain went off on this tangent) . . . but she was talking about being in the current of a river (I think). So, after processing for a few minutes, my mind went to the many times I've been in a boat. I first went to being in a sailboat because, well, you know me, I'd rather be sailing! But for this word picture, you need to be in a rowboat.

When you are in a rowboat, you have 4 choices as to what you'll do while in the boat: (1) Get to the shore and just do nothing; (2) Row with all your might against the current to get where you think your supposed to be; (3) Row with the current but do more steering than rowing, and (4) pull up the oars and let the current take you wherever it wills.

So, now. Current. Capital C. Current = God. Rower = you.

I know. Lightbulb is going off, isn't it? I was there too. I've chosen to live in everyone of these scenarios. Today though, I find myself at #3. I'm rowing with the current but trying to steer where I think things are/should be going. But that means I am justifying my steering because I think I know the will of God.

Where are you today?

We should all be #4. But it requires something that is of great price. Trust. To pull my oars up and stop rowing means I trust that the Current is going to take me where It wills. Oh, wait. Look at that. This is nice. I don't have to focus on guiding the boat. I can look around. Aren't those beautiful trees and look at that sky. Wow. Um, are we going faster than we were just a moment ago. Oh. Wait. Are those rapids ahead? What about those rocks that seem to be right in the way. Um, is that a waterfall ahead? Yeah, I'm feeling like I should lay down my oars in the water to help guide the boat. Seriously, I think I hear a waterfall ahead. Nothing good can come from that.

Trust . . . or lack thereof.

Today . . . this hour . . . this moment, I choose to trust the Current. Wherever it goes, I will trust that is where I'm supposed to go. Today, I will trust the Current. I will.