SUNDAY . . . Have I Mentioned I'm Overwhelmed?

From my journal: Today . . . the Temple Mount. The Threshing Floor that David purchased to have the Temple built on. "Legend" is that this is where God began creating the world . . . Abraham climbed up this mountain to sacrifice Isaac . . . The Holy of Holies where the curtain was ripped in two from top to bottom. The Eastern Gate that has been sealed as if that would stop HIM. As if! What will I feel? What will my emotions be like? What do You have for me today? This whole trip has been building to this moment in time. I don't want to miss it.


Today, we started with tour of the Temple Mount. I really had no idea what to expect because it looks so different from what the Temple would have been. And then there's the gaudy Dome of the Rock. But then God caught me by surprise and wrapped the bow on the whole journey.


Let me back up a ways. Back when I thought God telling me it was my time to go, I pretty much said right back, "Ok, God. You know where I am financially. There is absolutely no way I can do this on my own. If I am going, it will HAVE to be You." His response . . . "I Am. I will give it to you. Trust me." And at every crossroad, He was faithful in crazy, creative ways and provided every dime.


Then, while on this trip, Shahe (my friend from church) told me there was a shop in Jerusalem next to our hotel that would make personalized rings in Hebrew of whatever you want . . . a verse or your name or whatever. I had decided that I wanted "My soul follows after You, my Lord" but I had no idea where in Psalms it was. So we arrive in Jerusalem early evening. It had been a really really long day. I was tired mentally, physically, emotionally . . . in every way. I just wanted to get into bed and sleep. but Shabbot was coming and if we wanted a ring we had to go that night. Otherwise Shabbot would mess up the timing (because everybody closes on Shabbot) and the jeweler wouldn't have enough time to make them. So off we go. The store is small and there had to have been a BILLION people in that place. I was shutting down. So I pick out the style ring I wanted. But they had to have the reference for the verse so they could see the Hebrew characters to determine if it would fit. I, of course, didn't know the reference. Just that it's in Psalms. So they give me an English-Hebrew Parallel Bible (which by the way, to my surprise when I looked at the publisher, is done where I work [insert small world theme song here]. So I start skimming the pages looking for it. I mean there are only 150 Psalms. Surely I can find it relatively quick. I get to 90 and still no verse. Then Pslam 91. This is one of my favorite chapters in the whole Bible. I love the visual it paints. Again, I am beyond tired and finally tell the sales lady, fine, just use this one. It's a recurring theme in my life. I'll be fine with it. I was quite flippant with my decision to be honest. Little did I know God would bring this back to me full circle just 2 days later. The verse I have put on my ring is "under the Shadow of Almighty" and pick it up Saturday night.


So, back to the Temple Mount. We head "up". As we approach the inside of the Eastern Gate, I find myself completely overwhelmed . . . I know, I'm over-using this word. But I realize as I approach the Eastern Gate from inside the Temple Mount, that my whole trip has been leading up to this moment. As we walk from the gate (which I later find out is the gate where the gentiles and handicap would have entered the temple from . . . somehow seems approriate since I have strained my knee so bad that I walked around Jerusalem with the aid of crutches the whole time) anyway, we walk up a set of steps on we are on the Mount. As I watch as our group approaches the the Threshing Floor and the "traditional" site of where the Holy of Holies would have been, I am in absolute awe. He did it. He said He would bring me to His homeland and He did. I am almost unable to move forward I am so in awe. At this moment, I am very thankful for these crutches. Were it not for them holding me up, I probably would have collapsed. That's how ovewhelmed I am at this moment. My friend, Shahe, comes up next to me and instantly recognizes the look. Then she quietly whispers in my ear, "I know. I felt the same way last year when we came for the first time."


From there, to be honest, I don't remember where we go. I feel like I am just walking through the motions of walking. That moment of being on the Temple Mount will forever be engrained in my mind. I will be able to close my eyes and instantly hear, smell, and see that moment.


At some point, we meet up with Baruch (who by Jewish law, is not allowed on the Temple Mount because we don't know where exactly the Holy Place is and it is forbidden to walk on the Temple Mount). he begins to teach us. Again, sadly, I don't remember much of what he said except for one thing. And this is where is it gets really, really cool! He starts talking about Shaddai. Well, since that's what's on my ring, my ears (and soul) zone in to see what our friendly Rabbi has to share on the subject. Boiled down . . . Almighty = Shaddai = God who is sufficient = the God who is enough!!! Did you get that?? He is enough. He is enough to give what is needed for my every need. THIS is what He's been telling me all along since I sent my deposit in to secure my place on this trip. He is enough to give me what I needed on every step of this journey. And now, as I go home, that is what will be staring up at me from this ring that is my hand. I am under the shadow of the One who is enough!! Do you see why I've just walked around this country overwhelmed???

SATURDAY . . . Why I Worship

We began the day at the pool of Bethesda. Jewish tradition says that those needing healing would gather at this pool to be healed. They would watch the water intently waiting. Then an angel would pass over and "stir" the waters. When those waiting saw the "stirring", it was imperitive to be the first in because only the first one in would be healed. Well, as you can imagine, this had to be an extremely frustrating things for most as those needing healing probably didn't move very fast at all because of their "infirmity". Can you imagine the aggrivation? This is where the man who was considered "an invalid" waited. Ok, so when I think of invalid, I think of no ability to move whatsoever. So he waited there for 38 years for his time to be the first in the pool. Why didn't he just give up? I mean, seriously. What were his chances of being the first in the pool out of this crowd? The odds are there is going to be at least one person that will always beat you. And that obviously was the case because he had been sitting there . . . waiting . . . for 38 years. Then one day, the Messiah walks up and says, "Get up." Done. Story over. He takes up his bed and away he goes . . . healed by this One called Messiah. Wow. It kind of makes me laugh. The perseverance this man had. I mean, 38 years. My age. I think of things that I'm waiting on and wonder if I have the same tenacity, or should I say faith, to stick it out until the Messiah walks up and answers the cry of my heart. Please find me faithful!! Until then, I worship because I know He will answer.

Interesting fact: There are 5 porches surrounding the pool. 5 is the number of incompleteness. How “ironic” that there are 5 porches filled with people who lacked something. But the church leadership at the time ignored the movement of God and didn’t acknowledge the healings. At the pool, God was moving; but leadership didn’t pay attention to His movement. How sad that 2000 years later, this is still happening. I worship because God moves regardless of the body's acknowledgement being appropriate or not.

At this site, there is a beautiful church built that has the most amazing acoustics. Our team entered when there was hardly anybody in there. We took a seat at the front of the sanctuary and began to worship. At some point, while we were in there, a huge group from Canada and Asia joined us. It was a very cool moment of worship as this group added to the “every nation every tongue” factor of worship. I worship because that's what He asks me to do.

We ended the day at Caiaphas’ House. This is where Christ was accused but never found guilty. I never put this together but He was never found guilty. In order for the Sanhedrin to convict someone of the religious crimes they are accused of, there must be a unanimous declaration. The Sanhedrin were not able to come to this decision because Joseph of Arimethea (who “loaned” his tomb to Christ) and Nicodemis would not agree with the rest of the Sanhedrin. So, Christ was arrested and tried but NEVER FOUND GUILTY. Oh, what He did for us. I worship because of what He did for me.

FRIDAY . . . Finally Jerusalem!!

Mt of Olives – This is the last place that Jesus’ feet touched on this earth before He left and it is going to be the first place He touches when He returns. Why here? As I stand at the top and look down over the garden of Gethsemane and across the Kinneret Valley to the Eastern Gate, I’ve heard that the closeness of this geography was intriguing and it really is. As the crow flies, it can’t be more than a mile from Mt of Olives to the Eastern Gate with the Garden in middle. Even as we entered the city last night, the song, “Worthy is the Lamb, seated on the throne; we crown You now with many crowns; You reign victorious; High and lifted up, Jesus, Son of God; the Darling of heaven crucified; Worthy is the Lamb; Worthy is the Lamb” keeps playing over and over in my head. I found myself humming it as we walked down from the Mt of Olives to the Garden.

But then as we made our way down, the distractions were overwhelming. Intensely hard to overlook. Everywhere you go, there are Arabs selling Christian postcards, bookmarks, trinkets of all sorts. I found myself completely understanding Jesus and the temple scene where He overturned the tables. How this scene must grieve the Father’s heart. These people don’t even understand what they are selling. Just trying to make a sheqel. Coming down the mountain was very, very hard on my knees. Between the physical and the mental distractions, I began to wonder what God was thinking bringing me here. The amount of people being “herded” through the gates of the garden, I found it completely impossible to concentrate and hear any voice much less the “still-small Voice”. Then we were given some time on our own. I sat in a corner and watched the people running around and became very sad that the significance of this site seems to be lost in the chaos of the moment. Sad to say, this will not the first time I encounter this feeling on this trip. This will be a frequent battle of my mind – to hear and see God in the chaos of people revering a site more holy than what or more importantly Who the site represents.

From journal as I sat in the corner: Savior, I don't want to miss what You have for me today. But it is just so hard to hear anything above the distractions. Please show me Your glory. I trust Your hand. I know You brought me here. Focus my eyes on You.

I then look up . . . and there is the Eastern Gate. Right there. I feel I could reach out and touch it. Again, I’m overwhelmed at the proximity in closeness that the Eastern Gate is. As Christ is praying for God’s will in His last days on earth, He is able to see the gate that signifies what the future holds.

We welcomed in Shabbot (sabboth) at the Wailing Wall. How awesome that was to watch. It’s overwhelming to watch the devotion but also to realize that there is an entire nation living in darkness because they don’t realize Jesus is Y’shua. Shabbot begins at sundown Friday and ends at sundown Saturday. As we had opportunity to pray and just to “take it all in” we also had the rare opportunity to watch a younger generation celebrate Shabbot. As they walked through the plaza before approaching the wall, they were joyous and passionate. It was such a joy to see the passion for their God displayed on their faces and in their passionate worship of Jehovah. It was incredible to witness.

THURSDAY: Freedom . . . then THE Ascent!

Still in the Negev. Woke up early to watch the sunrise on the Dead Sea but much needed rain clouds had moved in overnight. I couldn’t complain because they have been waiting for rain for months (just like areas of home). Today, we headed to Masada. This overwhelming rock of a mountain was originally built as Herod’s winter fortress. Some of our team decided to climb the “Snake Path” which was an overwhelming and winding path that led to the top. This rock is best known in Jewish history as the last stronghold of the Freedom Fighters as they clung to hope that Israel would be restored. There were 12 men who held fast against the Roman Empire. When defeat was eminent, the defenders’ leader Eleazar ben Ya’ir bade his fellow fighters to remain true to the cause for which they had fought so long. “Let us rather die than be enslaved by our enemy. Let us leave this world in freedom.” So lots were cast and the Freedom Fighters made a pact to kill their families and themselves rather than be taken captive and enslaved to the Romans. Can you imagine making that decision? But they saw no other way. Slavery or freedom in death? Oh, that I would see the daily choice of this decision as simply as that... slavery or freedom in death.

Then Naphtali said, "Come, Come. We will spend some moments walking down the Roman Path to the bus. Come, Come. It is a nice walk." I'm telling you what, I don't know what Jewish men classify as "nice" but it was the most brutal stairmaster decent of a path I have ever been on. As we started down, Naphtali and the other O's fan on the trip, Steve, took compassion and/or pity on me and stuck to my pace. It was the the beginning of the end for my knees on this trip. To the left is a picture of the ramp. It winds all the way to the right of the picture all the way to the top. It looks much easier in this picture than it really was. It had to have been at a 90 degree incline. I'm telling you, it had to be!!

From Masada, we began our accent to Jerusalem. The excitement as we began the drive up (both in longitude and altitude) was again just overwhelming. We arrived after dark. So the city lights were all we were able to see of this magnificent city.

From my journal: Savior, I’m overwhelmed and all I can see are city lights. I can feel Your love for this city even just in entering the city limits. I can't even see anything and my Spirit attests that this city truly is the apple of Your eye. Thank You for Your faithfulness in bringing me here. You said You would and here I am. Give me eyes to see what You have for me and ears to hear Your still-small voice and what You are saying to me.

WEDNESDAY: The Desert Negev

Today, we headed south to Beit She'an. It is a huge Roman fortress where Saul, along with his sons, were hung from the city walls as a testament of their pride and ego. This too was an overwhelming place to be. I didn't know this before, but Saul and Jonathan were both hung headless from here. Can you imagine what David must have experienced here? Saul was God's choice as king. But he didn't walk with God and his life ended in a shameful way. How David must have grieved. Lord, I cryout for mercy that my sins would not lead to such a shameful display.

Next, we headed Ein Gedi. This is a beautiful oasis in the middle of the Negev desert and is probably most well known for where David hid from Saul as he pursued David to kill him out of Saul's jealousy for David's God-given success. The Bible refers to the mercy that God gave David in the story of David cutting Saul's robe. While Saul was not paying attention, David snuck up on Saul and cut the tsit off his robe without Saul realizing it. Then later, David presents the tsits to Saul to show him that he was as good as dead. But God called him to serve Saul, not kill him. Oh, that I would show such compassion on someone who would hurt me so much.

There are three different springs in Ein Gedi – each one more intense of a hike than the first. I decided to see the first spring then found an area to just observe and listen. My biggest concern about this trip is that I do not want to miss what God wants to show me and say. Once I found a peaceful little sitting area, I just sat. The breeze felt like the breath of God. I was thankful to have s few minutes with just God and I to reflect on the trip so far. The next part of the trip in Jerusalem would be intense and an overload of information, so these quiet moments were welcome.

TUESDAY: Still Overwhelmed

It's Tuesday and I'm still overwhelmed. And we still haven't made it to Jerusalem yet. I don't know that my mind and emotions can take it . . . but my soul sure is ready!

The day started out at Capharnahum, also known as the Village of Comfort as Jesus most likely spent a lot of time here. This is said to be the area that Peter is from and that Jesus may have had a house there (according to archeological finds).

In this same area, the Bible talks of the the many miracles that Christ performed. As you walk along the cypress and olive trees in the beautiful gardens, it's almost like you are there. I could close my eyes, listen to the sound around me, and completely understand why Christ loved this area around Galilee so much.

Next, we went on to hike near tel Dan. The hike was amazing . . . hard on the knees . . . but beautiful none the less.

In the Old Testament, this area was known as the temple and city of Dan where idols were worshipped. Interesting fact, the people of Dan were into idol worship because they needed something to feel/see/touch. Senses of the flesh. No faith involved at all. All about the wants and desires of the people.

In the New Testament, this area was known as Caeserea Philipi. Still into idol worship, but Messiah came and declared that each person must make the decision of whom they will serve and follow. He is God in the good times and the bad times. He's constant. As opposed to the idols that if they didn't work, then they would be broken, burned, etc. and a new one brought in. What a sad way to lead life. No hope whatsoever.

Another little tidbit that I found interesting about the Jewish culture . . . when numbers are written out in the teens, they are written as 10+2 which reads as 12, 10+4 which reads as 14. However, to read 15, it is written as 9+6 because if it was written out as 10+5, it would be the same as reading the word Yhwh which is the hliest name of God and you can not under any circumstance utter this name because it is holy. Oh, that we had such reverance!

MONDAY: I'm Just Overwhelmed!

Today has been an amazing day. Started out watching the sunrise on the Sea of Galilee on a balcony just outside my hotel door. As I sat watching the mountain range waiting for the sun to crest, I realized there was a flock of birds in trees next to me. And they were all a-flutter. The closer the sun got to the cresting, the more excited and louder they got. Then just as the sunrise came over, they got quiet. Like they were in awe. For about a minute, they remained silent. Even the birds seemed to recognize His majesty. Very cool moment!

Then went to the Mt of Beatitudes. Then a boat ride on the Sea of Galilee which is really just a big lake. Again, felt very at home . . . boats and water, what more could an East Coast girl want!! As we were getting on the boat, the boaters were directing us to back of the boat. So as I came aboard, I asked if I could go to the bow to take some pictures. The captain just looked at me and said no. I laughed and asked could I since I know it's called the bow?? He snickered and said the answer is still no. Had some sweet moments on board as we talked about how storms can come on all of a sudden and talked about the objects of our fears. when we are consumed by the circumsances, it's easy to get lost in the storm. But when you change the object of your fear to the One who can take care of the fear, the storm doesn't seem so bad.

While enjoying the peace of boat ride, had some sweet moments of just catching up with my friend, Carey. As I mentioned before, we used to work together and now continue the honor of being a part of their family. Carey and I have been on several international trips together (while working together). I am so excited to share this journeywith he and his wife, Amy.

Then made a trip to a cave on the side of the mountain where Jesus could have taught. It was beauitful. Crazy hiking (not far but lots of rocks :-) to get there but we've got some incredible men on the trip who have servants hearts and have been helping us "unsure" women make our way through the trail.

Next, on our way to the Jordan River. I've been looking forward to this baptism time for months. As I was changing into my swimsuit and robe, I just began to cry. This is the first moment that I stopped to really, really realize that God had really brought me to this place. Nothing I did. This was it. Then to be able to have my friend baptized me who is also a Spritual giant in my life, well, it was just a precious moment that I can't imagine ever forgetting. Obviously being intricately woven into each other's lives, God gave him the exact words that I know beyond doubt were Spirit-led to be prayed over me. Again, just overwhelming.

Just before we were baptized, our Messianic Rabbi, Baruch, who travels with the tour and teaches, spoke about baptism. One of the statements he made was that emersion causes change. In order to have faith to change (and allow God to change you), faith comes from obeying. We hear the word given, faith is the verb once we've heard and we, in response, obey.

That's what this trip is for me. An act of obedience. When everything said no, God said yes. When physically I didn't think I could do it, He allowed the surgery to be early enough to be able to heal. When financially I knew there was no way, He provided in ways that still just astound me. When in my mind, I just wasn't sure if it was my turn to experience this, He spoke in overwhelming ways and confirmed again, "it's time to go". So in obedience, I'm here. I'm making my statement of faith. Enough of my will. I'm laying it down and now look at me. I'm blogging from a patio looking over the Sea of Galilee.

Overwhelming is the word for this trip. Just overwhelming.

SUNDAY: Here We Go!

Savior, it's Day 1 and here we are. You and me. On Your turf. Where You walked. Your homeland. Your promised You would bring me and here we are! It really is more than my mind can wrap around. I am walking through Your land of promise. Thank You for all You did while You were here so that I can walk on this land in freedom.

Left Joppa (Tel Aviv) today and headed north to Caesarea Maritima (by the sea). Right on the Med. Huge rocks with waves crashing. Wow. My thoughts immediately went to the song, "Shout to the Lord all the earth, let us sing. Power and majesty, praise to the King. Mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of Your name." The seas really do roar. And to think they are repeating His name. Wooooooow!!

Then we headed to Megiddo. This valley is amazing. It is absolutely enormous. In Revelation, John talks of the final battle on Earth when the fighting will be so bad that this valley will be filled with blood up to a horse's bridle. People, I'm telling you, I had no idea how huge this valley is. It is gigantic. The amount of blood that it will take to do this, it's just incomprehensible. It just really is! But God has extended grace in order to establish relationship with His chosen people. He is going to fight for Truth!! "Worthy is the Lamb seated on the throne. We crown You now with many crowns for You reign victorious."

Funny sidebar: So I go all the way to Israel and in the group that I'm a part of, lo and behold, a fellow Baltimore Orioles fan. See, you can pick them out of a crowd really because there are not many of us who will admit it much less wear emblems to declare our loyalty to the whole world. Those of us who are, well, we are die-hard fans, regardless of the season. We always sing the National Anthem the same... O say can you see... O say does that star spangled banner... like I said, we are die-hard. So I'm on the bus and on walks Steve and his wife, Amy. And Steve has an O's shirt on. We share our O's heritage and laugh that Amy and I graduated within 20 mins of each other. [Cue It's A Small World After All music]

SATURDAY: We Made It

Well, it's 4am local time and my body clock is all off! We got in about 5pm Saturday and after a minor detain time with one of our group members who is walking in freedom from Islam but her heritage follows her wherever she goes (but just questions . . . no removing of clothes this time!), we began to make our way to Joppa (Tel Aviv). There are so many things to be thankful for . . . everyone's luggage arrived . . . a beautiful tour bus to ride to our various destinations . . . amazing friends to share this journey with . . . so many things!

We are in a beautiful hotel for tonight right on the Mediterranean. One more sea checked on my list. One of my goals in life is to see how many major bodies of water I can get my feet in. One more down. I can't wait to see what it looks like. It was already dark when we got here so there's no way to tell. But the waves remind me of the gulf.

My room is right on the water (thanks for lavishing me with that little blessing, Savior!) It's still dark (because like I said, it's 4am Sunday). A group of us went walking last night on the beach. I always feel the safest and the most relaxed by the sea. So after a long, cramped, overseas plane ride, walking on the beach was exactly what I needed (again, love lavished).

Then came back and got a shower and settled in for the evening. I apparently went to bed too early because me body clock is all off. 4am and wide awake. Not good, but thankful that I was able to get online wirelessly and update everyone who's following along.

This trip is going to be amazing. It hit me last night as I was preparing for bed and reading a bit of my Bible, I am in His homeland reading His words. It really is just overwelming. I am just so thankful that I get to experience it.

Well, off to Caesarea Maritima, Mt Carmel, Nazareth tomorrow to end up by the Sea of Galilee. Going to be a great day. REALLY looking forward to seeing the sunrise on the Galilee. Wow. I really am here!

More soon . . .

The Day After Tomorrow

Oh my word. The day after tomorrow. That is amazing to me. Wow. I'm so over-the-top excited. There are many reasons.

I get to see my friends Carey and Amy for 11 days straight. I hadn't really thought about that fact too much until just recently that we are going to have such cool memories to add to our times together.

Anybody that knows me, knows that I love to go. I have always loved to travel. Even as a little girl. My mom loves to tell the story of when I was about 3, I was going on a road trip to Florida with my grandparents. I was packed and ready, waiting in the driveway at like 3am to be picked up. I get like that anytime I travel. Except now, I usually pack the night before (which drives some certain friends crazy that I wait until the last possible moment!) I told my dad this morning that I realized I hadn't traveled internationally in 3 years and I'm really looking forward to that part of it as well.

And, obviously, God got me to this point. My knee has been doing pretty good here recently (thank you God and Dr Rosen!) God has provided every dime that I've needed/wanted for this trip (including spending $$ and to cover Derby's kennel expense). He just continues to lavish blessing on to this daughter . . . I remain overwhelmed!

To think that the day after tomorrow will be the day I leave for the airport to head to the Land that God has promised His children . . . again, it's just overwhelming.

FYI: I've had a couple people ask the time difference, here's a link to show you the time in Jersalem with Eastern and Central time zones to compare.

http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/personalapplet.html?cities=110,419,171,137

If it's noon in Jerusalem, then it's 6am EDT and 5am CDT. But after time changes this weekend, then when it's noon in Jerusalem, it'll be 5am EST and 4am CST.

The Treasure of Right Now

Please oblige me this post today. I've been through something that I've never gone through before. Most people may not be able to relate to this, but those who are dog lovers will understand my need to do this.

God created a unique animal when He created the dog. They have been given an uncommon trait that even some humans have trouble with. Loyalty. My Lellow is no different.

www.dictionary.com defines loyalty as an attitude of affection, faithfulness to obligations, the feeling of allegiance, an unwavering devotion. That's my boy. Even when his brother gets into something he's not supposed to, I've observed on several occasions where Lellow will just sit by and watch and I'm sure thinking he just doesn't understand because he could never dream of doing something that would be so disobedient to me. I can almost imagine him shaking his head at the foolish brother. Lellow is unwavering in his devotion.

Being a single girl who has lived by myself for the past several years, these boys are what I have come home to for over seven years. I know it's silly. They are just dogs and I know that. But they unashamedly, never-faltering, regardless of how they feel or what they've done, always meet me at the door and jump up to say, "Welcome home, we're glad you are here!" Even when they know rule #1 is no jumping. I will scold for jumping but that does not deter them. The wagging and "talking" to me and running all over the house ensues. I sometimes laugh because I wonder if their "talking" is them telling me about their day. But probably not as I have no idea how their brains or thought patterns work. But they are so excited to see me that they just can't contain themselves. I can tell you though, no matter what I feel like or what kind of day I've had, I know as I'm walking in the door, there are two loyal boys waiting on me to love them back.

I know we'll go on and this is just part of life, but yesterday I lost a companion who taught me a lesson in enjoying the right now. No matter the circumstances, no matter the feelings . . . the right now is where we live.

Yesterday had to have been one of the hardest days for me. But even in the midst of feeling like I was drowning, God gives mercy. The boys vet and my friend, Alice, and her assistant, Linda, cried right there with me. Then prayed for me when words could not come. I don't remember much of what she said. I just remember her saying the words my heart wanted to say.

Another example of grace . . . I came into work this morning and slipped on my iPod to help me focus and get some things done. Steven Curtis Chapman has a new project that I just downloaded earlier in the week but hadn't listened to all the songs yet. So, I pop on the earphones and the first song that comes to my ears, mind and soul . . .

It's time for letting go of all of our "if onlies"
'Cause we don't have a time machine
And even if we did would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything
Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There's only One who knows what's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history
And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears, taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter then throw your head back
And let it go; Let it go
You gotta let it go and listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

God, thanks for the reminder that You give us each moment. Whether it's laughter-filled or tear-filled, it's the moment You have given us to experience the miracle. Thanks for all the "right now treasures" You gave me with Lellow.

12 Days to Go...

Thought I'd give our itinerary so you all could look up where we're going and know how to pray as we're on our journey. There are 28 people on my journey. I don't know how many have never been before. My roommate is Mary Woods and I know she has never been. She is a mutual friend of Carey and Amy's from Lakeland that I know from their time there. I don't know her very well. But we have a few other mutual friends and all say we should get along great. So I'm looking forward to getting to know her as we get to know Jesus and His land. The other three people I know are obviously Carey and Amy. Then there's a friend from Nashville that I've known forever. We served on staff together at Two Rivers. Shahe is a fun and great friend. She has been a couple times and brings an incredibly different perspective to this journey as she was born in Afghanistan and is a Christian who converted from islam after seeing Truth.

• Friday, Nov 2 Depart from Nashville/Ft Walton where we all meet in Atlanta to journey on.
• Saturday, Nov 3 Arrive in Tel Aviv. Once through customs, we will journey through Joppa and then check-in at our hotel for the evening. It's Shabbot (Sabbath) so I understand there is not much we can do as the Jewish culture takes this day very reverently.
• Sunday, Nov 4 We end up in Galilee by the end of the day. But not before we journey through Caesarea Maritima, Mt Carmel, Meggido, and Nazareth.
• Monday, Nov 5 We begin the day with sunrise on the Sea of Galilee. Then take a boat ride across to Capernaum. Next, it's Mt of Beatitudes, Bethsaida. We'll end our day with baptisms in the Jordan River. I was first baptized in the South River (in Maryland) but I'm sure this will be very different. I'm looking forward to see the memory God gives me as my mentor, friend, and one of the people I served in ministry with for 6 1/2 years baptizes me where our Savior was baptized.
• Tuesday, Nov 6 Still in Galilee, we will journey through Korazine, Tel Dan, Caesarea Philippi, Mt Hermon, and the Golan Heights.
• Wednesday, Nov 7 Our journey takes us to the Dead Sea today and tomorrow. I've heard and seen pictures of the jeep rides (glorifed golf carts from what I hear). Can't wait to make memories here!
• Thursday, Nov 8 The day starts in Masada then on to Tel Beersheva, Valley of Elah, Bet Shemesh. Then onto Jerusalem. I am going to Jerusalem. My mind can not even wrap around this. I am going to Jerusalem. Wow.
• Friday, Nov 9 More of Jerusalem. Mount of Olives, Garden of Gethsemane, Mt Zion, the Jewish Quarter, Nehemiah's Wall. The start of our second Shabbat begins with sundown.
• Saturday, Nov 10 Our second Shabbat. Today, we will visit the Western Wall, Bethlehem and a real shepherd's field near Bethlehem.
• Sunday, Nov 11 Today we will begin at the Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial. Then on to the City of David, Hezekiah's Tunnel and the Pool of Siloam.
• Monday, Nov 12 Our last day in God's Holy Land. I'm sad just thinking about it and we haven't even left yet. We'll journey to the Temple Mount, the Pool of Bethesda, walk the Via Dolorosa and end our day at the Garden Tomb. Then on to the airport to leave for America. On all the overseas trips I've taken, as much as I've loved it, there was always something about getting on the plane to come home. I'm a red, white, and blue American as most and there's always just this feeling of going home. But I have a feeling that I will finally become aware of the true meaning of homesickness as I leave this land that my Savior lived... and be trying to figure out how and when I'll be back.
• Tuesday, Nov 13 Arrive in Nashville

15 Days

Last night during choir rehearsal, Jon led us to corporate prayer over the church as we begin to rebuild from "the vote". As we were praying, God took me to Psalm 22 which I'm sure I've read before but it just seemed as if the words were jumping off the page at me.

I will tell of Your name to my brothers;
in the midst of the congregation, I will praise You:
(Decision is made, even in the midst of others that I don't understand but are brothers, to praise)

You who fear the LORD, praise Him!
All you offspring of Jacob, glorify Him,
and stand in awe of Him,
(fear, praise, glorify, stand in awe - all action words towards Jehovah)

all you offspring of Israel!
(I've been grafted in, so He sees me as an offspring!)

He has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted,
(affliction: a state of pain, distress or grief - yeah, I'm thinking we're all there and need no further explanation)

and He has not hidden His face from him,
(He will take the time for us just as friend will drop everything to help in distress)

but has heard when he cried to Him.
(I picture myself as a little girl climbing up into my dad's lap and just needing a hug)

From You comes my praise in the great congregation;
(I can't make myself praise Him. I get too consumed with emotions and feelings. What a great assurance that it's not from me, it's starts with Him. Yet another gift He gives - like tithes - that He expects us to give back)

my vows I will perform before those who fear Him.
(My vows... what are my vows? To be like Christ, to passionately worship, love unconditionally... might need to research this one a little more)

The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied;
(Eat what? I think this pertains to the physical... but also spiritually as well. It's hard to remember a time when I've run to His Word and not left satisfied.)

Those who seek Him shall praise the LORD!
(So when we seek Him, since our praise comes from Him, then we SHALL praise!)

Can't wait to praise Him on His own turf!!

3 weeks from tomorrow . . .

. . . I'll be sitting on a plane headed for a land where my Savior walked . . . and breathed . . . and ate . . . and laughed . . . and slept . . . and loved . . . and healed . . . and died . . . and rose again!! I can't imagine the myriad of feelings I am going to process. I barely can stand waiting as it is. Lord, help us all the week of. I'll be no good to anyone.

It seems my blogs have caught the eye of one of our children's editors who mistakenly thinks I can write. I keep telling her I am not writing this . . . just getting my thoughts that are rolling around in my head out "on paper" per se. However, she's already got a title for my first book. I've been instructed I better keep a journal. When I explained I might be taking my laptop to blog while there, well, you could feel the excitement through the screen as we were IM'ing. Apparently, she thinks that God has big plans for me that will come out of this journey. I agree with her actually. But I don't think it's a book. Again, mainly because I'm not a writer. But I do agree with her because God apparently wants me there. He's provided the way in ways I could never have imagined! He always has a plan.

The title of my first book, you ask?

Walking in the Footsteps of My Father

I love that title. It does have a nice ring to it. Someone should write a book titled that . . . but I'm not sure it should be me.

I can't wait to see what He has in store for me on the rest of this journey.

Psalm 37:3-4 Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

More Love Lavished on Me

I've blogged several times already about how I am a spoiled child of the King. Not that I am not disciplined. Oh I am. Trust me. But I am truly spoiled by the love He lavishes on me. And it's usually in the little things that catch me off guard. A sunset that defies imagination . . . the gentility of a lady bug crawling across my windowsill. This weekend, it was in the simple story about one of "my kids".

Saturday, I had a movie date night with Eli and Josiah. Movie date nights have become times when the boys know that Awa is coming over and that means it's Star Wars night. I can't tell you how many times we're watched episodes 4-6 over the past year. But it's our thing. I enjoy Star Wars and the boys know it. So we plan the whole evening around it. We have to make sure we plan everything (bath or shower, eating dinner, everything) around being able to watch an ENTIRE movie. This weekend was no different. The boys knew we had to plan the evening. So they came up with their plan of action and execution began! Jon and Suzanne came home just as I was putting the eldest Rushing child to bed which meant the youngest was already in bed hopefully on his way to dreamland very soon. So I was the last person he saw before he went to sleep with the assurance that Momma and Daddy would be home soon and be there when he woke up in the morning. This is the part where God just makes me smile. Suzanne said when Josiah woke up the next morning, the first thing out of his mouth... A-a-a-a-w-w-a-a-a-a. He thought I was still there and wanted me to know he was awake. That right there, even now, makes me smile.

God didn't have to give me children to fill that desire in my life. But He lavished friends in my life that allow me to love their kiddos as if they are my own. Thank you for the honor.

28 days... 4 weeks...

Wow! Another step today and it became very real that I am really going to Israel. I received my plane tickets this morning. So then I immediately went to find my passport and put them together. Almost exactly 4 weeks from this day and time, I'll be at the airport probably crying :-) Wow! Did everyone notice the countdown clock to the left there? I'm just a bit over the top about this!

I'm so thankful this is even actually happening (God willing nothing happens between now and Nov 2). Whenever I think about the fact that I really am going, I immediately become very thankful for Jehovah's mercy upon my life. Without it, this trip would obviously not be possible because I would not have been able to come up with the $$ for one. And without the wonder of His mercy, well, there'd be no desire for me to even go on this journey! I'm am just a daughter of the King who is being lavished on with more than my mind can wrap around.

More to come this weekend...

33 Days to Go

5 weeks from today, I’ll be in Caesarea (Maritima). It’s amazing to think that it’s that close. I’ve obviously started preparing and thinking through items that I need to take with me. I love traveling. There’s such an exciting anticipation as you begin to get items together. And this trip isn’t like going to the beach or going home. There’s not a Walmart or Kmart on every corner if you should forget something. So I am thinking through everything that I might need then will go through and decide what is “non-essential” and can be left behind. I’ve started getting some of my Fall clothes out because it apparently is going to be on the cool side which I am so grateful for. I am extremely hot-natured so I am completely looking forward to the 50-70 degree weather that is being called for while we’re there. My Florida friends will probably be cold the whole time since the last time they went, it was summer and unbelievably hot. I, for one, am looking forward to it. After such a long, hot, and drought-filled summer, the coolness of air is something I am really looking forward to. I think God kept this in mind when He decided the time of year that I would be going on.

As the entire group is preparing, my tour host, (for those who don’t know, this is the minister that I used to work for at the church and his wife who are dear lifelong friends), sent out a booklet with pictures and brief descriptions of the places we will be visiting. I’ll post a day-by-day synopsis so you can follow along. I’ve had several ask me about that so just wanted to let you. Also, I’m contemplating taking my laptop with me so I can blog as we journey. Still trying to decide if it would be “non-essential” gear :-)

More to come…

35 Days to Go

It amazing how as you walk the journey and circumstances present themselves, you see how God knowing the big picture as He is orchestrating events at His will, He is also preparing us for what He knows is upcoming in our lives. So when this happens and we take our eyes off of Him, we can easily become distracted and lose our focus on Him.

My family loves to vacation at the beach. It’s been a yearly tradition for as long as I can remember. I love the beach because it’s so easy to see His majesty by watching the ocean. Waves are the most amazing to watch . . . the power in His hand that makes the tide of the whole ocean rise and fall . . . the power that’s in His fingers which causes the waves to crash onto the beach. I used to love standing on the shore about knee high or waist deep and try to time the rhythm of the waves to be able to jump them. If you watch the picture of the ocean, it’s fairly easy to feel the rhythm and timing but you have to stay focused. But sometimes, I would become distracted and turn my back and lose focus. And before I knew it, a wave would come out of nowhere and knock me off my feet. Whenever this happened, I became focused on the waves and completely lose sight of the One who makes the waves and His majesty.

Circumstances can be like those waves if you aren’t watching and keeping your focus on Him. Distractions of life can easily make you turn your back. Then a tsunami-sized circumstance can knock you down. My church body is there right now. The waves have been building for years. We’ve become distracted and lost sight of His majesty. There is a remnant who is trying to see beyond the waves and looking for His glory. But the waves just seem to get bigger and bigger and it’s harder and harder to focus on anything but the waves.

Psalm 95:3-6 For the Lord is a great God and a great King above all gods. In His hand are the depths of the earth; the heights of the mountains are His also. The sea is His for He made it, and His hands formed the dry land. Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker. (ESV)

Here the writer declares who He is. I wonder if the waves were overwhelming him when he wrote this. Then as He refocuses off the waves that are crashing down on him onto the big picture of who the Lord is, he demands his soul to worship the Maker of the earth and the mountains and the sea. He's getting an attitude adjustment from the crashing waves to the big picture. May we be found as faithful.

40 Day to Go

It's becoming more real the closer time gets for me to leave for Israel. It's almost here. It was so far away for so long. As I've been praying to prepare for this trip, I thought about possibly fasting to prepare. As I counted back, I realized Sept 23 would be 40 days. Not going into the details of the fast but God has confirmed that is what He's calling me to. Thank You for being faithful to speak.

These may not be posted everyday or actaully on the day that I'm blogging about. But this opportunity to journal about the journey is exciting and I want to be able to tell of His mercies! So I'm taking my laptop home and journaling during the process. Then when I come into the office, I'll post the blog. (since I don't have cable or internet access at home :-)

DAY 40
Today is Sunday. I need to be at the church in a few minutes, but just felt like I needed to get some feelings out on paper. Thank You for Your new mercies today. I'm anxious to see what today holds as I enter Your house. Please go before us.

In my quiet time, God took me to Psalm 32 and 33. And of course, something jumped out at me that I had not noticed before. And, again, of course, God used it later that morning during our worship time before service.

Psalm 32: 7 You are a hiding place for me; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with shouts of deliverance.

Then a few verses later and into chapter 33...

Psalm 32: 11 Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

Psalm 33:1 Shout for joy in the Lord, O you righteous! Praise befits the upright.

I've never noticed that God SHOUTS deliverance over us. On my behalf, He decides that an "inside voice" is not adequate enough to surround me with Himself as shelter. When you are shouting, the sound takes up the whole room because you want to be heard. Your "inside voice" just won't do. You have to shout. God shouting? Can you imagine?

Then after He shouts for us (not at us... but for us and over us), He commands us to shout back to Him in joy. Well, of course, it's in joy. He just surrounded us with His shouts to deliver us. Why wouldn't we shout back in joy?!? I LOVE the last part of 33:1... Praise befits the upright. http://www.dictionary.com/ defines 'befit': to be suitable to or appropriate for. So first, He shouts to surround us as we're being delivered. Then we shout back our joy in Him. Then we praise. Praise befits the upright. The appropriate response... the only response really. Praise.

Could She Be Any Cuter??

Kim and Mom took Kayla for her first "professional" pictures. She's 8 months old. Where does the time go?

We'll just let the pictures speak for themselves because there's absolutely nothing I could add.

Did You Listen to Your Mother?

Ok. I'll warn you. This is a rant. I've just pulled a muscle in my back because of stupid men who obviously didn't have a mother who raised them properly or they didn't listen to their mother as manners were discussed. Or maybe the Womens Movement has finally arrived in Nashville Tennessee. Take your pick!

But can someone please explain to me when a woman is walking off the elevator with a box in her office chair (because apparently people in this building didn't listen in Sunday School either about "Thou Shalt Not Steal" and think it's okay to steal a dollie but not return it!)... anyway, how is it possible that as I'm walking off the elevator, this OBVIOUSLY heavy box falls off my chair onto the floor with a very loud thump, that FOUR, yes FOUR! men walk around me and proceed to get on the elevator while I'm standing over the box that is STILL sitting on the floor.
Surely the mothers of these men didn't neglect to teach them simple manners. But then that would imply that these men feel they are too good to be bothered with being a gentlemen.

For. the. love.

Obedience Brings Blessing

I learned this phrase from the Rushings as it is a common phrase around their household. It's said to remind little minds. It's a very simple principle (you would think). For your obedience, blessing is given. I learned firsthand how true this phrase is in my own life this weekend, but from a very different perspective.

I don't think I've ever thought about how my obedience affects other people or vice-versa. Whether I choose to obey or not, my issue. Doesn't really affect other people in an adverse way. But this weekend, I found myself the recipient of someone else's obedience in such a huge way, that it just really overwhelmed me. And now, as I look back even over the past 6 months, I have reaped the blessing of other people's obedience more times than I can count and found myself praying that I would be found faithful to answer obedience so others can reap the rewards. I've been assured by a friend that I do. I'm still trying to convince myself that it's true.

Let me back up a few days to catch you up on my process. In an earlier post, I blogged about how God had allowed the travel agent for my Israel trip to show mercy in working with me regarding the $$. Although she is willing to work with me on it, I completely misunderstood a detail in the email she sent to me. So this past Friday, I received an email from her saying that basically I needed to have a certain amount of $$ to her this week. I began to freak out a bit because having misunderstood the original email, there was absolutely NO way I could come up with the amount she needed. Sadly, I allowed the circumstances to consume me. I left work dejected, confused, wondering why God was testing me to bring me this far in the process only to say, "no child, not now".

I had plans to visit some friends Friday evening and even though I really didn't want to be around people, I knew I needed to not be alone. So I headed out for Game Night and hopefully get my mind off my "woe is me" attitude. What a sad little child I am when things don't go my way.

I arrived at my friends and Game Night commenced. Have you ever walked into a holy moment and you were so consumed by the holiness of the moment that you just didn't know what to do. Words could not be uttered. Thoughts would not form. All you could do is sit there . . . I usually end up crying as well. But on Game Night, of all places. Who would have thought that God would show out during Game Night?

My sweet friends, having not had a game night for about a month or so, innocently asked, "So how's the Israel trip going? Is the $$ coming together?" I had hoped to avoid this subject for the night. I just didn't want to talk about it, think about it . . . nothing. I was just too confused. Why would God bring me this far just to say no. So, having been asked, the flood raged over the river banks and I told where I was at . . . in all it's ugliness of my lack of trust. Looking back, I have put two and two together. But at the moment, it didn't register. I remember looking up and seeing my two friends look back and forth at each other. One started crying . . . the other was very close to tears. I looked back down at the table and continued the story of my confusion at what God was doing.

Cut to the holy moment that we walked right into . . . my friends looked at me and said, "Well, I think God wants us to give you that $$!" Now understand. This is not a small amount of $$. It's close to the amount I bring home in two week pay period. So for someone to look at me and say that they are supposed to give me that amount of $$ is just a bit overwhelming. They then explained that a few weeks ago, it was discovered that work was taking too much $$ out of my friend's paycheck and he had received a reimbursement check . . . get this . . . [insert light from above . . . angels singing . . . this is the moment of revelation]. . . that has not even been cashed yet!! It's still sitting on his dresser. They both knew. This was the reason. The other friend gets the check book and without giving it another thought, writes a check. I just sit there stunned. Just 4 hours ago, I was driving to my friends house leaving a message for myself to start writing a letter to everyone who had given me $$ for this trip. I needed to let them know what was going on. That I would be returning their $$. Then bang. Holy moment. God begins to lavish.

God provided the $$ before I even knew I needed it. He gave my friends the $$ 3 weeks before they knew they would be giving it to me. They had contemplated various ways to use it. A 10th Anniversary trip, household items, things for the kids. It should have been easy to come up with a way to use that $$. But every time they thought of something, they explained, they just weren't at peace to spend it. Obedience. Then I come along and God uses opportunity for their obedience. And I reap the blessing from their obedience. To think that God used their obedience to bless me, well, I'm so undeserving. Actually, as I think about it, every gift that I've been given as $$ for this trip is just that. Friends who are allowing God to bless me through their obedience. It is just absolutely overwhelming how He lavishes His love on me.

Over the weekend, God brought something else to my mind that I had completely forgotten about in the midst of my confusion then utter speechlessness of what He chose to do. I remember Friday morning, I woke up with the words, "Do you trust me?" in my head. I couldn't figure out if maybe it was from a dream that I had earlier, or maybe from a movie I watched the night before. I remember at one point thinking, "Okay, God. Are You asking me if I trust You? Well, I think I do. Are You asking me generically if I trust You or is there something specific?" But the whole day, the words kept rolling around in my head. Then the email arrives and the words are gone until the next morning. I wish I could say that I unashamedly trusted Him. But I'm afraid I faltered. The circumstances consumed me. Then a small voice whispers, "I told you to trust me, daughter. I have it under control."

Obedience brings blessing. Indeed it does. Jehovah, thank You for lavishing Your love on me out of the obedience of the friends You have given me. Please give me the strength to trust You in all things not just in the obvious. May I also be found faithful so that others can be lavished upon as a result of my obedience. I can't wait to see what's next on the journey because You apparently want me to go to Jerusalem! Thank You!!

I Had a Date!

Now normally, this would incite many questions from friends and family because I just don't do a lot of dating. Truth be known, it's been quite a while... well, at least with someone near my own age! You see, I actually have dates all the time... just with adorable children all under the age of 9. And they're not real dates really although I usually am treated like a lady and get hugs and kisses at the end of the said date. Yesterday was such a day.

I broke protocol and asked my date out rather than being asked out to see "Evan Almighty". I later found out that I actually had stolen my date. He had already made plans for another date to see this movie. But in his words, "Sure. That would be great. Mom and I can do something else." So plans were made. We were off to see "Evan Almighty" which had been deemed 6-year-old-appropriate.

I, of course, was late (am I ever not late?) but we had planned for plenty of time. I called to let him know I was running a few minutes behind because I was at the bank and it was taking me longer than I had anticipated. "That's ok, Awa. I have $7." In his mind, I think he thought he could finance the best of dates on that $7!

I got to the house and we got the booster car seat swapped and we were off. He was a bit quiet on the drive to the movie theater. I got a little concerned because he ALWAYS has something to talk about especially since he had told me he just received the latest issue of his Lego magazine!

We pulled into the movie theater parking lot. As I turned off the car, he looked at me a little concerned. "Um, Awa. I really want to be able to open your door for you but I'm buckled in and can't get it unlocked." I sighed with a smile on my face and said, "That's okay." We walked to the ticket booth holding hands. Eli asked for his wallet (which he had asked me to keep in my purse). I handed my $$ to the cashier. . . enough for just for my ticket. She looked at me. Then looked at Eli. Then back at me. I proudly announced, "We're on a date and we're going dutch." Eli then handed his $7 and announced said, "Here's my $7 and I'm 6 1/2." The way the little cashier lady was smiling, I dare say we made her day as Eli then took my hand again with our tickets in his other hand and we made our way to the entrance of the theater. As we arrived at the door, my young gentleman stepped in front of me, opened the door, waved his hand towards inside and said, "After you."

If I didn't already completely love this boy before, I sure do now! Eli, thanks for making your Awa feel so special!

We Are Family

I was able to go home a couple weekends ago and had a blast spending time with family and getting to know my Kayla now that she's 6 months old. The last time I saw her... 2 weeks old. HUGE difference. She has a funny personality and yet is very laid back. She looks just like my Graddy and Bud. Like her Awa who had no hair until I was almost two, she also has no hair except for a little wisp of a rat-tail on the back of her head near her neck. It's funny but sweet. She krinkles her nose when she is about to laugh. And makes this funny "ooh" sound while her eyebrows are plastered on top of her forehead when she's excited.

I went home because we were having a Raley reunion. We were missing some because we are strewn from Maryland to Florida to Texas. I found myself often just sitting there and taking it all in. I'm usually right in the middle of activity but became the observant one this time. Not sure why. My Meemaw would have loved it! I loved every minute of it as well . . . my dad and his brothers and sister doing the whole kareoke thing . . . catching up with cousins I only see at Christmas or funerals . . . watching how the dynamic of having Kim and Kayla as part of the family seemed to "complete" things . . . the realization of how many children there were running around from the next generation and wondering if they will look back fondly on family memories the same way we do . . . and laugh at the generation before them the same way we do . . . the overwhelming knowlege that this is a rarity in the world we live in. Family. What an incredible blessing we have been given.

While home, due to Kim and Bud's schedules, Kayla pretty much spent the whole weekend at Mom and Dad's house with us. I am so thankful for that time. Even though Kayla won't necessarily remember it in years to come, the bond has been forged. Life will never be the same. Earlier in the week before I arrived, Kayla was introduced to real food . . . still mushed up beyond recognition . . . but real food nonetheless. She loves sweet potatos. Given the opportunity to feed her green beans for the first time, I decided she didn't she like green beans too much. But after her Mama came in and started to feed her, I realized it was all in the delivery. See, I think I automatically go into "triplet" mode when I'm around babies. I change diapers at lightening speed. I can bath a baby in 10.4 seconds flat. And when it comes to feeding, well, my brain is trained that there's no time to dawdle and play "airplane" or "here it comes" or giggle while watching the gleeful emotion pass over the child's face as they realize more of the yummy stuff is coming. Get in there and get the job done because there are two others who want their food as well. But as Mama came in, started playing "Here it comes", she quickly made a liar of Awa. Oh well . . . lesson learned . . . Mama always does things better!

Yet again, He proves I am a spoiled girl!

I love it when God encourages me. He uses so many different ways to do this. It can be a child's kiss, a friend's hello, birds singing, oceans roaring. It's His creation so He can do whatever He wants. But to take the time to encourage when His girl is feeling a little down, well, that's just plain and simple love being lavished.

The deadline for making a final decision about the trip to Israel is looming. I don't want to seem unbelieving because I know He can do it. He's done it before... many, many times. But there is the reality that maybe this isn't my time. And this is how He's revealing this to me. But then again, maybe what He does in His timing is what I'm needing to trust, not so much whether He speaks yes or no.

Due to my surgery, I'm even further behind than I anticipated in saving for this trip. Even if I hadn't had the knee surgery, I'd still be short the $2,500 balance that I have left. Then God walks up and says, "Girl, I love ya. Just trust Me. I know what I'm doing." Well, of course He knows what He's doing. I mean, hello. He's God.

First, this past Friday, I find out my company is giving us a bonus. It's not much because we missed the mark financially. But the CEO wants to thank us for the hard work so he's giving out bonuses anyway. He didn't have to do that. But he seems like a Godly man with character and integrity. And God decided to use him in my life.

Then this morning, I met someone in the hall on my way to Sunday School class and she just out of the blue says, "Well, yeah. God was speaking during the morning service. And instead of the amount I told you I was going to donate to you... well, he told me to double that amount." Now I am friends with this sweet person. But wouldn't consider us overtly close to each other. But she is a Godly woman with character and integrity. And God decided to use her in my life.

I hate working on Sundays. I try to honor the day as much as I can possibly manage. But it is insane right now with my workload. So I decided to come in for a couple hours. And even in that, God wanted to encourage me. See, I had sent an email to the travel agency who is coordinating the Israel trip to find out the last possible day I could make my decision. She gave me the date... but also said... now get this... if you can commit to half of the $3,000 by July 31, then we can arrange the rest of the balance in payments between then and my departure. So can you guess how much I have between the bonus, my friend's blessing to me, and the deposit that I already paid. Um, well, yeah... it's almost the half that I need!! And between now and July 31, I'm sure God is going to provide the difference. Now here's someone I've never even met and God decided to use her in my life.

He so doesn't have to encourage. He so doesn't have to lavish His love. He so doesn't have to take care of the details that I worry about. But He does. 1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God.

God, You are amazing. When I just don't think it's possible to love me anymore, You lavish Yourself all over Your girl. And I just stand in amazement that You even want to call me Your child. Create in me a pure heart that proclaims Your glory to anyone who will listen.

I am a Spoiled Girl

How does God do it? How does the Spirit take a relationship and enable it to "be as it's always been" regardless of time, miles, circumstances, etc? I'm reminded of this every time I head "south" to get my fill of love and hugs from the Dean family. This last lapse of time between visits is the longest I've had from my "family"... 8 months. And on top of that, there's a new little man running around that house who has no idea that "wawa" is something other than water.

It's just silly. The anxiousness I have as I drive to see my friends. I tend to allow the questions and anxiousness to overwhelm me. It, of course, doesn't help that I'm driving at midnight with about another 2 hours left to go when these thoughts start to invade my thoughts :-) But I start to wonder, "will it be the same"... "will the kids still remember the relationship that we have"... "have my friends moved on to other friends and just humoring an old friend who doesn't want to move on"... etc ... etc. Why do I allow the enemy to invade my thoughts like that? The answer is obviously because this is my insecurity and fear of not being liked anymore. I wish I could live in freedom from this.

But, then God steps in and lavishes His love on His girl through this sweet family that He has allowed to capture a special part of her heart. I wake up the next morning (having arrived WAY past everyone's bed time)... walk into the room where my family awaits me... and children run to me for hugs... and adult faces seem to light up that their Awa has arrived for another visit. Maybe all of this is just in my mind and not quite that dramatic. But I smile, thinking, "God, thank you for not allowing me to live in my insecurities but allowing me to experience Your love through relationship that goes beyond time and miles."

My visit is amazing and goes by entirely too quickly. Time to pack up and head north. It's always hard to get in the car and not get just one more hug and play just one more game and talk about just one more thing and just "be" with this family who have so lovingly called me Awa. But God gently reminds me He is yet still in control of our journeys... mine... and theirs. And He is sovereign as to why it has to be this way. Then within 30 mins of being on the road, I talk to my other "family" members... the friends that God has placed in my life in Nashville. One who even though is one the most unlikely of friends, makes me laugh like no one else can... and another family that God has allowed to capture my heart. And I again turn my trust to His hand to know what is best.

And just for the record, Corban now knows that "wawa" is something other than water. Not sure that 4 days is enough time to establish that connection of know thing that Awa is me, but at least the foundation is laid for relationship... and the word is in his vocabulary.

My Next Journey of Faith

As we go through this journey in our earthsuits, there are many journeys of faith we encounter. Some require great effort and we feel like Indiana Jones in "The Last Crusade" where he has to step out into what seems like vast nothing only to find a bridge to the other side. Others seem pretty easy to "live by faith". Right now, I'm trusting that my mustard seed of faith will be enough. I know that's all He asks according to the promise, but this current journey of faith seems overwhelming.

Let me start with some background. For several years now, a friend and former ministry partner, Mike Mann, has been traveling back and forth to Israel at least once a year. I've always thought it would be nice to go... but no urgent longing on my part to visit the Holy Land. Then last summer, just about ALL of my friends had the opportunity to go... all together. My longing intensified but for the wrong reasons. I knew it would be incredible to go with all my friends but it was only because, well, they were all my friends, and they were going on a trip to Israel together... without me. But I knew I couldn't and shouldn't go. God hadn't called me. But also, I had several other trips planned and vacation time where I work is sparse when compared to all the time I want to take. So I have to pick and choose.

So just about all my friends went. And I was able to see God do amazing things as they prepared for this trip. He provided the $$. He provided the strength. He provided the grace. Well, He provided everything. I was so excited to see how the trip turned out. Even woke up at 1:00 in the morning (8am Jerusalem time) to come into work and get on my computer to watch the Wailing Wall cam to see if I could catch a glimpse of all my friends who were in Israel without me. And I did... for all of 30 seconds. Then they came back and had amazing, stories of how God had jumped off the pages of the Word in a way they could never have imagined. I looked at picture after picture after picture of the trip. I watched a video of my friends getting baptized in the Jordan River by "our Worship Leaders", Carey, Mike and Jon. I listened to story after story after story of what God did during this trip. Each one unique and overwhelming by the person sharing it. One couple of friends even were so bold to tell me the next trip going, I would be on it. Yeah, right. They obviously haven't seen my checking account lately.

However, with each picture, each story, each time the trip was mentioned, something was changing in my heart. I soon realized that more than any other trips I've been on, I realized this was something I had to do. I couldn't really explain why. Of course, right about that time, unrest broke loose and I began to wonder if anybody would be able to visit Israel anytime soon. But the hot buttons began to cool down. I wouldn't call it peace necessarily. But the warring nations learned to co-exist again without lobbing bombs at each other. So I began to pray. This trip would require much sacrifice on my part. Financially, physically, mentally, practicality... on all levels. So I began to pray. And asked all those friends who thought I should be on the next plane to Israel to pray as well because the next trip is in the works. Carey and Amy are taking a group from their church. Short of all my friends going again, this seemed like the ideal scenario. You see, for the six years that we ministered together, Carey was very much one of the Spiritual leaders in my life. What better way to see the land of our Spiritual forefathers than with my sweet friends. So, I continued to look and listen for my answer.

Well, 6 months later, I still don't have a definite answer. All my friends say go. This is where the journey of faith comes to a crossroad. He hasn't said yes... but He hasn't said no either.

In the meantime, I have done my taxes. Now, being a single girl, and the way I have my taxes set up, I always get a refund. Depending on different variables, the amount is slightly different each year. But it's almost always just enough to pay my property taxes. Well, this year, for reasons I'm still trying to figure out, it was more than I thought it would be. Quite a bit more. I did them three times and it came out the same each time. "Well, how about that? Hmmm. Well, what's this in the mail today? It's the travel brochure from Carey on the Israel trip in November. How about that? Oh wait. When I get my refund back, I'll have enough to send my deposit for Israel to the travel agent. Hmmmmm. Okay, now look God. I really need to know what to do here. I know this looks like You providing. And I really want to believe here. Wow, I just wish you would speak audibly or write it in the sky or on the wall." :-)

This is where my journey of faith takes an interesting turn. The check is gone. My spot has been secured. God hasn't said no. So I'm assuming the answer is yes. There's still a way huge canyon to get through called a "balance" on my invoice for this trip. But I'm trusting. And I'm praying. I only want to go if He wants me to go right now because otherwise, I could never come up with that much $$ on my own... well, short of selling a kidney or something. So if this is going to happen, it will HAVE to be Him providing.

So please pray... and stay tuned for updates on my current journey of faith. (The picture to the right is looking at the Eastern Gate from the Garden of Gethsemane.)